


Flight

by velocitygrass



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Alternate Universe - Space, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-08-09
Updated: 2011-08-09
Packaged: 2017-10-22 10:53:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 24,721
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/237301
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/velocitygrass/pseuds/velocitygrass
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rodney McKay has been imprisoned for ten years and forced to work as an engineer. It's by accident that he's rescued by John Sheppard and his crew and ends up on John's space ship, the Pegasus. At first, he only joins them to get passage back to the planet where he was kidnapped, but soon John makes him an offer he can't refuse.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Flight

**Author's Note:**

> Content notes: There is a life-threatening gunshot wound. Vomiting. Being threatened with a blade. Kidnapping.
> 
> This was written for the Alternate Universe Big Bang 2011. While it's not explicitly a fusion with Firefly/Serenity, I certainly had it in mind when I wrote this.
> 
> Thank you very much to Springwoof for the beta!
> 
> Please make sure to check out the beautiful cover by Antares. You can find it and give feedback for it [here](http://antares04a.livejournal.com/44422.html).

"Okay, lead him back to his cell." Werek nodded towards one of the guards.

Rodney fell easily into step with the guard. They didn't talk. This was his daily routine. Hell, he had more experience doing this than the guard, who was probably not older than twenty-five.

The door to his cell opened, and Rodney stepped into his 'home' of nearly a decade. It was just a bed, toilet and sink, and a table with a chair. They allowed him to write, so he had a notebook and a pencil as well. He'd made some actual improvements to the facilities in his early years. Back then he'd thought that maybe they'd let him go if he was useful.

But over the years he'd realized that Werek had no intention of setting him free. Rodney was the most valuable engineer he had. The odds of finding someone qualified who'd volunteer to work here in the outskirts of the galaxy instead of making more money on more challenging projects in bustling cities on central planets were negligible.

Most planets simply accepted the reality that they couldn't fully benefit from the advancements made elsewhere. Werek, on the other hand, had taken matters into his own hands and 'recruited' Rodney by simply not giving him a choice. That strategy had paid off for him. The facilities of the city ran like clockwork thanks to Rodney. There was no incentive at all for Werek to let him go. If Rodney wanted to escape his imprisonment, it would have to be by his own hands.

Which was unfortunately as good as impossible.

Rodney had managed to find a way to get out of his cell and—more importantly—the walls that surrounded the city. He had access to enough systems to crack the code for that. However, Werek hadn't been stupid enough to do the same for the space ships, so even if Rodney managed to evade his guards and get beyond the walls of the city, he'd be grounded and easily picked up by Werek and his men.

No amount of hinting at great improvements for the ships had weakened Werek's resolve not to give Rodney access to them. Since they were located in the most heavily guarded part of the city, Rodney knew when to admit defeat.

His only chance was to wait for the right moment when foreign ships landed outside the city and to hide in them. Unfortunately, his daily routine kept him out of the loop of what was generally going on in the city, so he only ever learned of the visits of traders after they'd already left again.

At this point, Rodney had pretty much settled into his life. He was a prisoner but as long as he co-operated he wasn't beaten or starved.

He sat at the table to write down some notes. He was working on various theories, calculations about energy efficiency and propulsion systems among other things. Since Werek confiscated his notes from time to time to read up on them, he kept them cryptic enough that neither Werek nor any of his engineers would be able to make anything of them.

Rodney had written a page of notes when the guy in the cell next to him started shouting again. Rodney covered his eyes and sighed.

The guy had been brought in the day before and had shouted at the guards to let him go and that they couldn't do this to him for about an hour until they'd come in and silenced him. Apparently he hadn't learned his lesson.

Listening to the guy the day before had at least been a change from the monotony of his cell, but today Rodney wanted to concentrate, so he walked to the bars that separated him from the hall. He couldn't see the guy because the rest of his cell consisted of actual walls.

"Shouting will earn you nothing but another beating," Rodney said hopefully loud enough for the guy to hear.

The guy stopped. "Who are you?" Rodney could see that he was trying to put part of his face through the too narrow space between bars.

Rodney rolled his eyes. "Someone who's had the experience of staying here for nearly ten years. So please shut up."

"Ten years!" the guy shouted. "I'll never stay that long. I won't be here for ten _days_."

"Not if they beat you to death," Rodney said. He didn't know of such a thing ever occurring. Dead prisoners were useless prisoners after all, but the guy didn't know that, and if it shut him up, Rodney would be happy.

"They wouldn't _dare_. My father will send someone for me. They'll never get away with this! Do you hear me?" The guy shouted the last thing, obviously addressing the guards outside again.

Rodney only shook his head and stepped back to his table. He tried to ignore the shouting of the guy. This time it didn't last very long. The guards came and swiftly dealt with him. Rodney winced as he heard the dull sounds of fists hitting his body. It wasn't really in sympathy, but Rodney didn't like pain, and it had only taken him _one_ beating to learn to keep quiet.

His cell neighbor, however, couldn't be deterred. By the fifth evening Rodney stuffed his ears because the guards didn't bother with coming in until they'd already let him shout for a few hours. Rodney wondered if they had a bet going on how long he would keep it up. He did sound a bit weaker than before. Rodney wasn't sure if they'd given him smaller rations. It was their punishment of choice for smaller infractions.

Rodney tried to read through his notes when he suddenly noticed that the shouting stopped. He pulled the cloth out of his ears. He didn't see any guards in the hall. Neither did he hear any sounds of a beating. Instead there was a quiet shuffling.

Rodney's heart-rate picked up immediately, and he moved to the bars to check what was going on.

Outside of his neighbor's cell a guy was quietly working on the lock of the door. Rodney couldn't believe that his neighbor had been right about his father sending someone. Then he couldn't believe that he finally got this chance. He had no idea how soon the opportunity would rise again, but he knew that he sure as hell didn't want to spend another ten years here.

He hadn't really thought about how to approach a situation such as this, but he knew that he couldn't allow himself to appear weak. He stepped over to the corner closest to his would-be rescuer. "You'll take me with you," he said quiet enough not to alert the guards, but loud enough for the man to hear.

A mask covered the lower half of his face, but Rodney could see his eyes and how one of his eyebrows arched as he glanced over to Rodney. Then he returned to the task at hand.

The truth was there was no reason for the man to take on any more prisoners, and Rodney knew that. He could try to convince him of his genius and undoubted future riches, but that would take time and it wasn't as if the man would have any reason to believe Rodney or care even if he did.

Rodney would need to take matters in his own hands. He'd managed to put aside some materials over the years, assorted substances that could be used defensively or to damage objects. He'd never tried them because he knew he wouldn't get far but now he hurried to mix a little cocktail that would melt the lock on his door.

He forced his hands to stay still, hoping fervently that the man couldn't work as fast with his flame cutter. Rodney put the substance on the bolt of his cell door. This would probably be his only chance to ever get free. If they caught him, they'd always do a body search in the future, not to mention that he was certainly in for a severe beating.

The metal of the bolt disintegrated as Rodney knew it would. He pushed open the door and stepped out, seeing the man turn to him and drawing his sidearm.

They stared at each other for a moment. Then Rodney repeated calmly, "You'll take me with you."

The man frowned, then seemed to make a decision. "Do you have more of that?" he asked, nodding towards the door.

"I think there's a bit left," Rodney said. He put the last few drops on the bolt that was half-way cut through.

"You could have gotten out all this time?" the guy in the cell asked incredulously.

Rodney sighed. He couldn't deal with his stupidity now, not to mention that for _him_ "all this time" was just five days. "What's your plan to get us out of the city?" he asked their rescuer instead.

"Through the waste hatch," the man said.

Rodney screwed up his face. Not a bad plan, though a pretty disgusting prospect. "I have a better way," he said.

The bolt gave way and his neighbor stepped out. "My father sent you. I knew—"

"Shut up," Rodney and their rescuer said in unison. They turned to each other and even without seeing his mouth, Rodney could see that the man was smiling.

"Lead the way," he said to Rodney, and then they were off, and Rodney was finally on his way to freedom.

~~

They were joined by two others who'd stood guard outside and made their way unnoticed to one of the side doors. Rodney was able to override the security code in under a minute. In the end it was a rather unspectacular escape, and Rodney found himself beyond the walls of the city on a forest path under the moonlit sky.

He stopped and stared up for a moment. It seemed that even the air smelled different here where he was free.

He was pulled out of his reverie when his rescuer pulled him along by his shirt. "No time to enjoy the night. Unless you want to stay."

That made Rodney move, and he followed the others, leaving behind his prison of the last ten years without a look back.

~~

The shuttle was really not built to hold five people, so Rodney was squeezed in next to the guy from his neighboring cell for the quick ride to his rescuer's space ship. He pretty much fell out of the shuttle when its door opened and stumbled into the holding area of what looked to be an old transport ship.

A young woman came to greet them. "Is everyone all right?" she asked, eyes settling on Rodney and his ex cell neighbor. She frowned.

His rescuer pointed at the guy next to him. "This is the one you want, doc," he said easily. He'd taken off his mask, and Rodney could see that they were about the same age. He was also good-looking in a slightly rugged way. "I think he took a few beatings, so maybe you should look him over."

Rodney rolled his eyes. From the way the guy had still been able to shout and walk, Rodney got the feeling that the guards had only done the minimum to shut him up.

"Sedate him if necessary," his rescuer added pointedly as he walked past the young woman, who was apparently their doctor.

"Come with me," the young woman said, smiling at the guy. They walked away together, and Rodney looked at the two others who'd come and rescued him. One was a really tall man with long dreads, the other a petite but athletic looking woman.

"Sheppard!" the tall man called after his rescuer before he could disappear up a narrow flight of stairs to the cockpit. When Sheppard—now he finally had a name for his rescuer—turned, the tall man added, "What should we do with him?" He nodded in the direction of Rodney.

"Just show him his room," Sheppard said impatiently. To Rodney he said, "I trust you can keep yourself occupied for twelve hours. Take the grand tour of the ship if you want." He made an elaborate gesture with his arm. "Just don't break anything. We'll see what we do with you once we've returned the lost son to his father in Arkhemp. For some reason he wanted him back as soon as possible." Then he hurried up the stairs, taking two steps at a time and vanishing through the door at the top.

Rodney turned to the tall man, who looked at him with an unreadable expression. He was quite intimidating, and if he hadn't helped save Rodney, Rodney might have been a bit afraid of what would happen to him.

"I can show you your quarters," the woman said, stepping up to him and smiling. "I am Teyla Emmagan."

"Rodney McKay," Rodney said, smiling back at her. He couldn't remember when he'd last introduced himself to someone. Actually, he could hardly remember when someone had called him by his name instead of referring to him as 'the prisoner' or just 'him'.

"And this is Ronon Dex," she added, looking at the tall man.

Dex only gave him a grunt and disappeared through a door.

Teyla led the way, and Rodney followed her through a narrow hall to the living quarters. "This ship is only meant to house five people at a time, but we have added two smaller rooms for emergencies."

Rodney wondered what kind of emergencies those could be, other than picking up additional people on a rescue. For that matter he wondered if the rescue job was an exception or their daily business. "This is a transporter, right? D-class carrier if I'm not mistaken. Somewhere in the 300 line."

Teyla's eyes widened a fraction before her smile widened. "It is a D-330 with modifications. John calls her the Pegasus."

"John?" Rodney immediately asked. "Sheppard?" he added, because there didn't seem to be anyone else on board whom she could mean.

"She is his ship," Teyla confirmed, and the way she said it somehow implied that it was more than a matter of ownership. Almost as if the ship was his daughter or sister or maybe even wife.

~~

The grand tour that Sheppard had jokingly offered him to take was quickly done. Teyla let him explore the ship alone. Not that there was much to explore. Apart from the small living quarters, there was a small infirmary, a small kitchen with dining area, a small commons room, and two large cargo areas. The only thing that was of any interest to Rodney was the engine room.

The modifications that Teyla had mentioned were obvious to even an unschooled eye. The whole room looked like someone had let loose a horde of engineer students to tinker with anything that they managed to take apart.

Rodney wouldn't go so far as to say it was complete chaos, because whoever had made the modifications had for the most part been careful and tried to do a proper job of it, but it still all seemed a mix and match of changes that lacked a clear direction.

Rodney shook his head and went off to see Sheppard in the cockpit.

"I've seen your engine room. Who's doubling as mechanic on this thing? Dex?" Rodney asked without preamble.

Sheppard was leaning back in the pilot's seat and now turned the seat to him. "Why do you ask?"

"Because whoever is keeping this thing afloat might be doing a passable job at that, but you could get much more out of her, if you let someone do it who knows what they're doing," Rodney said matter-of-factly.

"Is that so?" Sheppard asked, still leaning back in the seat casually, though Rodney could see the tension around his smile and calculation in his eyes.

Rodney considered for a moment on how to play his cards here. From the way he'd been treated so far, he didn't think Sheppard was about to imprison him. He was probably free to leave on Arkhemp, however these were the outskirts of the galaxy and without your own ship, travel was expensive or rare. Sheppard had to know this as well, so Rodney wanted him to know that he had something to offer in return to a hike to one of the larger space ports or back to Helenos.

He didn't want to play all his cards immediately, of course, so instead he offered a little incentive. "You want to get to Arkhemp as quickly as possible?"

"Without risking my ship," Sheppard confirmed, sounding protective.

Rodney had a flash of Sheppard in knight's uniform riding his flying horse to the heavens. "How isolated is Arkhemp? Do they even have a port and shops in the traditional sense? Specifically, if I remove some parts from the shuttle, would we be able to get replacement parts there?"

Sheppard gave him a penetrating look for a moment, but Rodney stood his ground, lifting his chin a bit. "Show me," Sheppard eventually said.

So Rodney did.

~~

It was a bit of a surprise to Rodney that Sheppard was acting as the Pegasus' mechanic, though it explained the combination of care and disorder he'd found.

Sheppard told him that they'd tried on various mechanics, but none of them had worked out in the long run because they didn't "treat her right" as Sheppard had said.

The modifications that Rodney did weren't all that difficult, truthfully, but it took a quick mind to notice the potential and to compensate for the risks that they brought.

Sheppard watched his every move and asked Rodney to explain what he did. Considering that he wasn't formally trained as an engineer, he was pretty good with machines, and Rodney found himself slightly impressed by his rescuer.

His intellect wasn't the only impressive thing about Sheppard, though. As they worked on the engine in the rather warm room, Sheppard got out of his shirt, leaving him with a tight t-shirt underneath that had the tendency to slip out of his pants when he reached for something. The pants themselves looked as if only a minor miracle kept them in place, so precariously did they hang on Sheppard's narrow hips.

His years of imprisonment had constrained Rodney to experiencing pleasure only by his own hands. It had been one of many sources of frustration, but all things considered, he'd been able to live quite well with it. Looking at Sheppard now, however, he couldn't help being reminded of what exactly he'd been missing in the last years and that he was free to have that again now.

Well, not _now_ , because Sheppard hadn't given any indication that he was interested in having Rodney's hands anywhere but the Pegasus' engines. But once Rodney had made it to Helenos or whatever his final destination would turn out to be, he could and would certainly start looking.

~~

Sheppard was positively _gleeful_ at the immediate changes he noticed in his ship after they were done.

Back in the cockpit he chatted with Rodney a bit, about the modifications others had made and how he had to fix or revert some of them when they turned out to do more bad than good.

"Sometimes I feel like Maggie, the mechanic," Sheppard sighed.

"Oh god, do they still make those animations?" Rodney asked.

"I don't think so, but they're classics," Sheppard said. "Back in flight school I asked one of the engineering students to get me the complete collection on a disc."

"Why didn't you study engineering? You're not half bad at it as it is. With some training you could be..." Rodney didn't quite know how to finish. He didn't give compliments easily and the truth was some people had a certain natural talent, but didn't learn very well, so they never got beyond that.

"Could be?" Sheppard prompted.

"Better," Rodney said. Then he added. "Probably."

Sheppard laughed. "Isn't that a ringing endorsement. I did take a few voluntary courses in engineering, but I always wanted to fly. I'm not really interested in how machines work just for the hell of it. I only want to know what I can do to handle her better," he said, giving the console a loving pat.

"You know that the ship is just a machine?" Rodney couldn't help saying.

Sheppard gave him an outraged look. "He didn't mean that," he cooed towards the console, stroking it.

Rodney snorted.

Sheppard gave him a wry grin. Rodney noticed that it made him look younger. The only reason it didn't make him more attractive was that Rodney was beginning to think he couldn't be more attracted to Sheppard.

Rodney decided that it might be best to leave Sheppard alone for a while. There were certain things he never had to deal with during his imprisonment, and this kind of attraction was one of them. Taking a closer look at the modifications of the engine and what he could do with it was certainly the safer option.

~~

They made it to Arkhemp in under ten hours.

Sheppard and Teyla went to return the lost son and to get their reward. The others took the chance to leave the ship for a few hours. Ronon went riding, and Jennifer visited the local doctor to chat and possibly exchange supplies. Rodney just walked around in the town center because he could.

The town was nothing to look at really, but during his imprisonment he'd only been allowed to walk wherever he needed to work and he had always been guarded. It was a strange but great feeling to just take a stroll.

The wonder didn't last very long however. By the time Sheppard and Teyla joined him, Rodney was beginning to get bored.

"So, have you picked out replacement parts and anything else you need?" Sheppard asked him.

"How?" Rodney asked. "I have no money, and the only shop I've seen was a general store."

"Ronon hasn't shown you? All right. Follow me." Sheppard walked off around a corner, and Rodney followed him until they arrived at a workshop.

It wasn't very large, but they seemed to have the basic supplies in acceptable quantities and quality. Rodney started getting replacement parts out of the shelves and handing them over to Sheppard.

Sheppard raised an eyebrow but didn't say anything and held on to whatever Rodney gave him.

Sometimes Rodney would return a part to the shelf when he found a better one, and Sheppard asked what made it better. They chatted a bit and Rodney tried to explain his thought processes as he had before in the engine room.

Eventually, Rodney said, "This should be enough to get her and the shuttle back in working order including a few fixes."

"O-kay," Sheppard said. "But what about some more _modifications_?"

And here they were. "This is probably a good time to start discussing what to 'do with me'."

Sheppard gave him a look, then nodded. "Let's pay for this first and we can discuss it outside."

Rodney let Sheppard deal with it and went ahead, sitting down on a bench a few steps further down the street where the row of houses gave way to a field of wild flowers.

Sheppard joined him after a moment and sat down next to him. "You want to come with us," he said.

"I certainly don't want to stay here," Rodney said. "I've asked around and even if I can earn some money here, I'll never be able to afford to even _rent_ a private ship, let alone buy one. The next general transport isn't due for a few months, and I really don't want to waste that much time here."

"Do you have somewhere you want to go?" Sheppard asked neutrally.

"I'd like to return to Helenos if possible. It's where I worked before, and even if they won't take me back, there are many opportunities there as opposed to on smaller planets."

Sheppard nodded. "We're stopping there every few months or so. I can make it sooner rather than later, but we _do_ have a few prior commitments."

"That's fine. I'm not really in a hurry," Rodney said wryly. Nobody was expecting him. He wasn't even sure anyone had missed him. "I just want to know that I'll get there in a reasonable amount of time. And that I'm doing something worthwhile in the mean time," he added as an afterthought.

"As opposed to fixing kitchen sinks here," Sheppard said, smirking.

"Yeah," Rodney said.

"So you wanna fix up my baby?" Sheppard asked with a grin.

"I'll pretend you didn't just call your ship 'baby.' But yes, I think it would be fair that in exchange for getting me to Helenos, I'll make improvements on the ship's engine. We might even get there faster. It's a win-win situation."

Sheppard nodded. "We have a deal." He held out his hand, and Rodney took it.

~~

The selection of parts available on Arkhemp was very limited, so Rodney couldn't acquire nearly as much as he needed to make the changes he had in mind. But they were headed to Eletaire, which was a larger planet with one big space port and enough work shops to cover even specialty parts.

Even with the limited modifications that Rodney could make, he managed to improve the efficiency of the engines and to extend the range of the Pegasus' radar and communications.

Sheppard was very happy with the changes. When Rodney sat down with him to go over the parts he'd need to get in Eletaire and what he intended to do with them, Sheppard listened attentively. When he heard the expected increase in speed, his eyes practically glazed over.

"Is that the best case scenario?" he asked, obviously trying to contain his excitement.

"Actually, it's a conservative guess," Rodney answered. "It could be even better."

Sheppard opened his mouth but nothing came out. Then he grinned widely. "If this works—" he started, but stopped. "What are you going to do in Helenos?" he asked.

"Well, it's been almost ten years since I've been there, so I can't—"

"Stay with us," Sheppard interrupted him. "You'll get around, see many different places. And they'll pay handsomely for your services."

"Well," Rodney said. "I don't really doubt that but I'm not sure I want to be a glorified repairman for the rest of my life."

"You don't have to be," Sheppard pointed out. "You could work on your own things. We can set aside part of the cargo area as a lab. Do you _really_ want to work as one of the drones in a company in Helenos?"

"It's what I did before... It wasn't bad. I had my own project. I was working on a new glider when they kidnapped me. I'm not saying that corporate influences can't be annoying, but overall I was pretty happy."

"Pretty happy," Sheppard repeated flatly. "What would you like to work on and why couldn't you do it from this ship? At least in the initial phase. It's not like we never touch down on a planet with a shipyard. You could still work on finishing up your project on a planet. And we hardly ever use more than half the storage place on this ship. Tell me about your idea and maybe I'll want to be an investor."

Rodney could actually see that. Sheppard was a bit of a speed junkie. He'd gone on a joyride with the shuttle once Rodney had fixed it up, and Rodney was pretty sure he'd love the glider that he'd started developing back then. Of course, that project was probably finished by now. "I think you'd like the idea, but even if they haven't finished that project by now, it would take years if I do it alone on this ship."

"And that would be a problem?" Sheppard asked.

Rodney didn't even know what to say to that. Sheppard seemed to be perfectly happy flying around the galaxy in his spaceship, taking a few odd jobs and ferrying around goods. "I want to do more than that. Do you have any idea what I could accomplish on Helenos?"

"Whatever they'll allow you to do," Sheppard said darkly. "You know, things have changed in the last decade. Helenos isn't the planet of innovation that it used to be. It's become the battle ground for a few corporations. It's not about inventing the greatest new ship anymore. It's become about inventing the cheapest new ship. There's a reason I'm keeping this baby instead of going with a new one which I could have actually gotten for little more."

"Maybe you're right. I have no way of knowing, but frankly, it's not just that. I like living in a city. It gives you a certain amount of freedom."

"Freedom?" Sheppard asked incredulously. "What could be more free than going wherever you want to go whenever you want to go?" he asked, indicating the ship around them.

"You mean where _you_ want to go," Rodney corrected him.

"Hey, everyone on board here has their say. We visit planets that Teyla or Ronon or Jennifer suggest. And if you join us, we can go where _you_ want too."

"Look, I... I would be lying if I said, I wasn't tempted. Teyla and Jennifer have been very nice to me and Ronon... Well, he hasn't beaten me up, though he offered to train with me, which I think would amount to the same thing," Rodney said. Sheppard grinned. "In any case," Rodney continued, "I like you—I mean all of you, not you personally, although I do like you persona— _Anyway_ , the point is that I'm not sure how comfortable I'd be in such small group of people."

Sheppard watched him with a hint of amusement, but also as if he was trying to figure out what Rodney was really trying to say. "What exactly do you think you'd miss staying here as opposed to on Helenos?" he eventually asked.

"Well, apart from the obvious benefits in terms of facilities of a community like theaters, libraries, and so forth, there is the, uh, opportunity to, uh, meet people in a more casual manner," Rodney settled on saying.

Sheppard raised one eyebrow, before saying, "You wanna get laid."

"That thought has occurred to me, yes," Rodney admitted, feeling his face flush.

"There are brothels on just about any planet we visit," Sheppard said.

"I am aware of that, but I don't like to pay for these kinds of services. And I do... I'm not necessarily looking for a relationship, but in my experience, having a regular partner makes for better sex."

Sheppard didn't look happy, but he seemed to accept it. "We have a few weeks to change your mind," he said confidently after a moment.

"Try," Rodney said. He kind of hoped that Sheppard wouldn't give up so easily.

~~

They didn't stay long in Eletaire. Everyone went off board to re-fill their supplies or organize new jobs. Sheppard joined Rodney when Rodney had already picked out most of his parts. His eyes widened a bit when he heard the sum he had to pay for them, but after giving Rodney a look, he nodded and paid without saying anything.

Once they were in space again, Rodney went ahead with some temporary installations to give them a test run. Sheppard was very eager to see first results and even Ronon nodded appreciatively. Ronon wasn't much of a talker, Rodney had noticed, though they were able to bond over food. Ronon made an absolutely delicious potato stew.

He spent most of his time to their next stop with Sheppard in the cockpit or the engine room. Rodney wanted to wait with a more permanent installation of his changes until they'd tested them out for a few days at full speed. In the meantime he was undoing some of the quick fixes his predecessors or Sheppard had committed.

He was going to simplify the design of the engine and concentrate his efforts on the few most important pieces.

They made it to Lowell's Valley in record time. The town was quite small, and they were delighted to hear that the crew of the Pegasus had an engineer with them this time around. It felt a bit like being back in his prison where his talents had been wasted on similar repairs, but this time it was his decision and instead of shoving him back into his cell, people were very appreciative.

They got paid as a team for both services and goods, but Rodney scored two freshly baked pies from grateful villagers.

He wasn't exactly sure what the others had been up to, but eventually Sheppard caught up with him.

"You need to try this pie," Rodney said around a mouthful when he saw him.

Sheppard smiled, though he looked slightly confused.

"It was a gift," Rodney said by way of explanation. "They love me."

Sheppard snorted and sat down next to Rodney taking a piece of the pie. After tasting a bite, he said, "It's nice."

"Nice?! Heathen! Where is Ronon? At least he appreciates good food," Rodney demanded.

"Uhm. That's why I'm here actually. He's at the... well, there's a place here where you can meet people 'casually'."

"They have a brothel?" Rodney asked. They were out in the street in a public park, but there was no one directly in earshot.

"A small one," Sheppard said, continuing to eat his piece of pie.

"Oh. I'll... I think I'll pass," Rodney said.

Sheppard looked a bit surprised by that. "Okay. I thought that after... You said it's been nearly ten years. Or did you... with other prisoners or civilians?"

"I was happy to have my own cell. I'll be fine," Rodney said dismissively. "I can wait a few more weeks. Plus this pie will get cold and it would be a terrible waste."

One corner of Sheppard's mouth turned up and they sat in silence, enjoying the warm afternoon outside and the fresh apple pie.

~~

The pie was a hit with everyone back on board.

"How come we never got pie before, Sheppard?" Ronon asked, sounding reproachful.

"I didn't know there was pie to be had!" Sheppard said defensively. "This is a trading job. I fixed up a thing or two for them, but I only ever got a thank you."

"You must have done a shitty job then," Ronon said.

Sheppard looked pissed off. "Well, maybe that's because I'm a _pilot_. I don't see you volunteering to fix irrigation systems."

Before Ronon could respond, Teyla turned to Rodney with a smile. "I talked to a few of the townspeople and they were very grateful," she said. "I believe other planets would also be very interested in your talents," she continued, then turned to Sheppard. "We could use this to our advantage. You know for how long you have been trying to get the people on Tolerat to let you handle their precious metals. I think this could get you a trial run at least."

Sheppard still looked irritated and Rodney was very aware of the tension in the room, even though Teyla had done her best to diffuse the situation. "We're not headed to Tolerat at the moment," Sheppard eventually said curtly.

"I am aware of that," Teyla said politely. "It was simply a suggestion."

Sheppard nodded. "I'll think about it," he said, forcing a quick smile to his face. "I should check on our flight path." He got up and left them alone.

"He should have gotten laid," Ronon commented, before taking another piece of pie.

~~

Things were less tense with Sheppard out of the room. They talked about their favorite foods of their childhood and opened up the bottle of cider that Rodney had gotten before they returned on board.

Eventually, Ronon got up and said he needed to move his body a bit. "Wanna do a bit hand-to-hand combat?" he asked Rodney.

"Very funny," Rodney said.

"He's not joking," Jennifer informed him.

Rodney looked slightly panicked. "I think I'll pass," he said with an awkward smile.

"Are you sure? You look like you could build up some muscles. Training would be good for you," Ronon said.

"I am _very_ sure," Rodney said, looking helplessly over to Teyla.

"I'll go with you," Teyla said to Ronon as she got up. On her way out she shot Rodney a smile.

When they'd left, Rodney turned to Jennifer. "If he's this scary when he's trying to be friendly, I don't think I'll ever want to get on his bad side."

Jennifer laughed. "Ronon's a good guy."

"I don't doubt that. Good, but scary," Rodney said.

"He saved my life," Jennifer said.

"Oh. During one of the jobs?" Rodney asked.

Jennifer shook her head. "Before I became part of the crew. There was an epidemic going on at the time. I tried to help people as well as I could, but unfortunately there wasn't much I could do. The council didn't believe me—or maybe they just wanted a scapegoat. They sent someone out to deal with me."

"That's barbaric!" Rodney said.

"That wasn't on Helenos. Life is different out here. As you know." She added the last with a serious look at him.

Rodney took a sip of the cider. "All things considered, they treated me pretty well. They certainly never tried to kill me. It would have been a waste, I suppose."

Jennifer smiled at him.

"So Ronon saved you, and you joined the crew?" Rodney asked.

"I wasn't sure where to go at first. Some of our jobs can be dangerous, but if I'd only be waiting for one of them to return injured and twiddled my thumbs for the rest of the time, I wouldn't have stayed," she said.

"So you do house visits now, like I'm the new engineer to go around?" Rodney asked.

"Something like that," Jennifer said. "Most towns have their own doctor. You can still exchange supplies and discuss new diseases that go around. But apart from that I've convinced John to drop by on planets that _don't_ have their own doctor. In a way, he's allowing me to reach more people who really need it than I ever could have on Helenos."

"You're from there?" Rodney asked.

"No, I'm from a small planet not too far. But I studied medicine at the university there," Jennifer said.

"I also studied at UH! When did you graduate?" Rodney asked.

"Three years ago," Jennifer said.

"Wow, you _are_ young," Rodney said without thinking, then flushed.

Jennifer laughed. "When did you graduate?"

"Fifteen years ago," Rodney said. "I was pretty young, didn't really fit in."

Jennifer nodded understandingly. "And when you're young _and_ from a small planet..." She got a faraway look and sighed.

"Or when you're young and happen to be more brilliant than everyone around," Rodney added.

"Did you tell them that?" Jennifer asked.

"It's the truth!" Rodney said.

Jennifer chuckled. "It helps when you can hold your liquor," she said.

"Oh god, don't remind me. Those idiots and the three steps, three shots drinks. I told them I'm allergic to citrus but they never believed me. So I did it with vinegar."

"What?! Why vinegar of all things?" Jennifer asked.

"It was at hand and then it became a thing. Don't ask me. I've tried to erase the memories from my mind," Rodney said, making a face.

Jennifer looked at him, frowning. "You're only pulling my leg, right?"

"Would I make something like that up?" Rodney asked.

Jennifer gave him a look.

"Do you want me to prove it?" Rodney asked.

"Okay," Jennifer said.

"I will," Rodney said. "But only if you do the same."

"With vinegar instead of lemon juice?" Jennifer asked.

"Exactly," Rodney confirmed, pointing his finger at her. "Are you in?"

"All right," Jennifer said, shaking her head as if she couldn't understand why she agreed to this.

They lined up the ingredients on the coffee table in the community room and sat down on the sofa.

"This is going to be disgusting," Jennifer said.

"Afraid?" Rodney asked with challenge in his eyes.

Jennifer lifted her chin and took hold of the little glass with vinegar. "Ready when you are."

It turned out to be just as horrible as fifteen years ago. He had no one to blame but himself this time. He wasn't trying to fit in now, but it was somewhat gratifying to see the grimace Jennifer made.

"Ugh!" she said, vinegar mixed with alcohol spilling from her mouth. "Argh!"

Rodney swallowed audibly with a certain amount of pride. Jennifer shook her hands in disgust, closed her eyes, and screwed up her nose.

"How could you? God, it's all over me," she said, when she'd finally either swallowed or spat out what was left.

"You agreed," he said with a smirk, but leaned over the table to get a few cloth towels.

She dabbed at her chin first.

"There's something on your neck," he said helpfully.

"It's _everywhere_ ," she said. "It's running down my..." She pulled down her shirt and Rodney got an eyeful of the liquid trickling down between the valley of her breasts.

"Whoa!" came a voice from the hall. "Sorry, I didn't mean to—"

When Rodney turned, he only saw Sheppard beat a hasty retreat. "Wait! Sheppard!" he said, but he could hear quick steps walking away. He turned back to Jennifer who was flushing.

"He'll..." she began but trailed off. "It'll be okay in a few days. When I first saw him naked he couldn't look me in the eye for two weeks," she said.

Rodney's eyes widened and his mouth opened.

"He was shot in the thigh," Jennifer told him by way of explanation.

"Ah," Rodney only said. He felt unaccountably relieved by that. However he also felt uncomfortable about what Sheppard had just seen—and the conclusions he might draw from it.

"I think I'll have a shower," Jennifer said, getting up. "No drinks the next time we talk about UH!" she added warningly. Then she smiled at him and left.

Rodney got up as well and cleaned up the table. He debated whether or not to go to Sheppard and try to explain. He didn't want him to get the wrong impression from what he'd stumbled onto. But Sheppard would probably brush it off, telling him that it didn't matter.

And the truth was it _didn't_ matter. Not unless Rodney wanted him to know that he wasn't interested in Jennifer. And the most obvious reason for that wouldn't be hard to guess if Rodney went out of his way to explain himself now.

No, it would be better to casually mention what had really happened the next day.

Because when it came down to it, it probably didn't matter either way what Sheppard thought.

~~

Rodney didn't even get a chance to casually mention anything the next day. When he went to breakfast, Sheppard was already done and on his way out. Rodney stopped him and began, "About last night—"

But Sheppard brushed him off, "Yeah, I talked to Jennifer. Don't worry about it." As Jennifer had predicted, he didn't quite meet Rodney's eyes. "And it's none of my business anyway. As long as you don't endanger the ship or anyone on board, you're free to do what you want." Then he added, "With whom you want," giving Rodney a meaningful look.

Rodney was a bit confused, but Sheppard walked away to prepare the goods they were transporting for the people in Franklyn.

He joined Jennifer at the table. "Good morning," she said, smiling at him.

"You talked to Sheppard?" he asked, pouring himself some coffee.

"It's all good, don't worry. So... I was thinking while the others go trading maybe we could visit the museum in Franklyn."

"They have a museum?" Rodney asked. Franklyn wasn't all that big. He didn't think it could be very interesting.

"Oh, yes. It's pretty well-known. They have machines of the last hundred years in a timeline," Jennifer said.

"Machines?" Rodney asked.

"All kinds of things. From medical devices to kitchen appliances to building robots. It's a very good selection from all over the galaxy."

"Okay, that _does_ sound like it could be interesting," Rodney conceded.

Jennifer smiled at him. "They also have really good restaurant right next to it. We can go there afterwards."

"Uhm, sure. If we're staying that long," Rodney said.

"Yes. John said we're staying overnight, so we can come back as late as we want to," Jennifer said brightly.

"Good," Rodney said, though he got the distinct impression that he was missing something.

~~

The museum in Franklyn wasn't half-bad. Obviously they didn't have anything revolutionary on display, but that wasn't really the purpose. They had lined up different devices, specifically laying out what new technique had been used in the device and explaining how it worked and why it was important.

Rodney wasn't really impressed, but he also wasn't bored. He did point out the factual inaccuracies he noticed in the explanations.

"Rodney, this is a museum for normal people, not scientists," Jennifer pointed out.

"Which shouldn't absolve them from displaying complete and correct information in their displays," he countered.

"Correct, yes, but how can you ever be complete?" she said.

"I meant complete in the sense that you don't leave out vital information. All of this applies in no way to highly magnetic materials," he said, waving at the large text on display, "but a young impressionable mind could come here and read this—"

"And get an interest in science, which might make them study it, where they will then duly find out that it doesn't work with magnets," she interrupted him.

Rodney crossed his arms and glared at her.

She laughed. "Rodney, you're behaving as if they intended to personally insult you with this little omission. Lighten up a bit."

Rodney opened his mouth and closed it again.

"Come on. Let's finish the tour and then get something to eat," she said, moving her arm around his and dragging him along.

~~

Jennifer kept her arm linked with his for the rest of the tour, and Rodney felt slightly awkward as they walked out together.

They went to the restaurant next door as Jennifer had suggested. Rodney briefly wondered if the others were done with their work. Sheppard, Ronon, and Teyla had filled the little transporter with most of what they'd had in the cargo area. Rodney didn't know if it was for one client or if they had to go around town to deliver their goods.

He hadn't had a chance to talk to Sheppard, and even though he'd said everything was okay, Rodney wanted to make sure that things weren't awkward between them.

In the last few days, Rodney had begun to reconsider whether he wanted to leave them in Helenos.

Teyla, Ronon, and Jennifer had welcomed him and treated him as if he were a part of the crew now, each in their own way. And John had explicitly asked him to stay with them. He had a new home on the Pegasus if he wanted it, and he had to admit there were quite a few reasons to want it.

Back on Helenos after university, he'd found an interesting job, but he had never gotten very close to his colleagues. Outside of work, he'd only had casual relationships and no real friends. He hadn't even missed anything back then, but thinking about his imprisonment when he'd been _forced_ to make work not just the major but the only thing in his life and the contrast of that to his new situation of staying with a close-knit group of people who genuinely liked him, Rodney couldn't help wonder if it wouldn't be worth trading in a—presumably—better working environment for a better _living_ environment.

And he hadn't even taken Sheppard into account. Not that there'd been any signals on his part that he would be interested in more than a mechanic and maybe friend. In fact, the brief exchange they'd had that morning seemed to indicate that Sheppard wouldn't mind if he got together with Jennifer.

Which was a possibility, of course. Rodney looked over at her. She was recounting a story from her hometown, which he wasn't really particularly interested in, but she looked happy enough talking that he didn't say anything.

Jennifer was smart and beautiful, but thinking about the incident yesterday and the unexpected glimpse at her cleavage, Rodney could only think about Sheppard and his reaction. If he'd met Jennifer on Helenos or another planet before he'd met Sheppard, he probably would have been interested in her. As it was, he could see her becoming a friend but nothing more.

He didn't think that would change as long as he was nursing a crush on Sheppard. And he had no idea how quickly he'd get over _that_.

~~

It was dark outside when they finally made their way back to the Pegasus.

After finishing eating at the restaurant, they'd gone for a walk, and then Jennifer had dragged him into a bar. "No vinegar, I promise." They'd had a few drinks, and apparently he'd been drunk enough to let her convince him to dance.

He was still a bit tipsy, but Franklyn was a peaceful town, she'd assured him. They were walking arm in arm again, enjoying the mild night in comfortable silence.

Back inside the Pegasus, Rodney expected the others to await them, but nobody was in the commons area. It was so quiet, he wasn't even sure if the others were on board or if they'd decided to stay in town.

"I had a great time," he told Jennifer when they came to a stop between the dining area and the hall to their quarters.

"So did I," she said, smiling widely at him.

"Goodnight then," he said, removing his arm from hers.

"The night doesn't have to end yet," she said, turning to him.

Uh oh. Rodney was terrible in these kinds of situations, always missing the signals or misinterpreting them, but even to him it was clear as day what was about to happen. As Jennifer leaned in, he took a quick step back. "Uh, listen, I'm... really flattered, but..."

Jennifer looked a bit confused. She dropped her gaze, frowned, then looked back at him. "I, uhm, sorry. I thought..."

"Yeah. No. I don't... I had a great time, but I don't think... I'd, uhm, like us to be _friends_ , maybe," he managed to bring out.

"Friends, right," she said, composing herself. "I'm sorry. Last night and the drinks... And John... He mentioned you liked me, but apparently..."

Rodney's eyes narrowed. "He did what?"

"Well, this morning when I told him that nothing really happened, he... Well, we talked, and he mentioned that you liked me too and encouraged me to go for it. Maybe I misunderstood what he was saying."

Rodney remembered what Sheppard had told _him_ this morning, and suddenly had the feeling that whatever Sheppard had been saying had been in no way a misunderstanding. He still wasn't sure which game Sheppard was trying to play, but he was pissed off. He couldn't leave Jennifer standing like this, though. "We're good?" he asked.

"Sure. It was still a great night," she said, smiling at him. "Friends, right?"

"Friends," he confirmed, smiling back at her.

"Goodnight, Rodney," she said.

"Goodnight, Jennifer," he answered, waiting for her to walk towards her quarters, before his expression turned angry and he took the stairs to the cockpit two at a time.

He wasn't sure if he'd find Sheppard there while they weren't in space, but so far Sheppard had proven to spend most of his time in the cockpit, even at times where his supervision wasn't necessary. It wasn't different today. Rodney stormed in, finding Sheppard with a book in his hand, looking at him.

"Did something happen?" Sheppard asked.

"Not what you apparently expected," Rodney told him coldly.

Sheppard dropped his gaze and put away the book, before standing up. "I'm not sure I know what you mean," he said evenly.

"Oh, _really_?" Rodney asked. "How about you telling Jennifer that I like her."

"Don't you?" Sheppard asked.

"Not like _that_ ," Rodney said.

"Well, I made an educated guess, but was apparently wrong," Sheppard said, shrugging.

"Educated guess? I never gave any indication that—"

"You practically had your face between her breasts last night," Sheppard interrupted him, with a hint of annoyance in his voice.

Rodney opened his mouth, but for a second nothing came out. "It wasn't like that! Didn't Jennifer tell you nothing happened?"

"Yes, she did, but if I hadn't come in..." Sheppard trailed off. "I just wanted to give you two another chance after I interrupted last night."

"You didn't interrupt anything!" Rodney said, his arms flailing.

"Look, I just saw that you were very 'friendly' yesterday, and Jennifer said she likes you. I thought you would welcome the chance. You did say you prefer something regular over one-night-stands," Sheppard pointed out.

Rodney blinked. Was that the real reason for Sheppard's meddling? Rodney had wondered why on Earth Sheppard would even get involved in such a way but suddenly it made a scary kind of sense. "I can't believe you. You did this just to make me stay?"

Sheppard's confidence fractured for a second, before he composed himself. "I only said—"

"You thought I needed to get laid so you told a member of your crew—"

"I would never do that!" Sheppard denied heatedly. "I _asked_ her if she was interested in you, and when she said she was, I saw no reason not to let her know that I had no problem with it."

"Well, you should have asked _me_ first," Rodney shot back.

"I see that now," Sheppard replied.

"You know, I was actively considering staying before you pulled this little stunt, but now I'm not sure I can trust you," Rodney told him.

Sheppard looked taken aback. "I did what I did because I thought it was best for all. I thought that was what you wanted. Believe me, otherwise I _never_ would have encouraged Jennifer. I don't make it my business to get involved in my crew members' lives."

"Well, you certainly did now. Are you sure she didn't take your 'encouragement' as an order?" Rodney had to ask. The whole thing had been embarrassing for her, and he wanted to know if she had reason to hold it against Sheppard, because if she did, so would Rodney. He was absolutely on her side in this.

"Yes!" Sheppard said. "Believe me, everyone on this crew has their own head. I can hardly make them do what I want when I _do_ order them, so there's no need to worry about Jennifer. I'll apologize to her tomorrow. And I'll apologize to you now. I genuinely thought you were interested in her. I was wrong, and I'm sorry."

Rodney only shook his head. "I hope you're not this blind in your business deals."

"Now come on. When I walked in on you two yesterday—"

"Nothing happened!" Rodney re-iterated.

"I know. But even before that you seemed to get along very well," Sheppard said.

"I get along well with Teyla and Ronon too. And with you... Forget it," Rodney said. He really didn't understand how Sheppard could think he was interested in Jennifer but didn't notice that Rodney was attracted to _him_.

"What about me?" Sheppard asked.

"Nothing," Rodney said.

Sheppard looked at him for a long moment. "So we're good then?" he eventually asked.

"Yes, fine," Rodney said, still a bit annoyed, but more with the whole situation rather than Sheppard. It wasn't Sheppard's fault that Rodney had a crush on him after all.

"So you say you want to stay," Sheppard said.

"I said I was _considering_ it. I have to think about it," Rodney said. He really did. This whole thing with Sheppard was affecting him more than he thought. Maybe it would be better to go to Helenos after all and start over.

"If there's anything I can do..." Sheppard said.

"Like what? Offer another member of your crew for regular sex?" Rodney asked dryly.

Sheppard gave him a quick glare. "Since I don't do that, I could only offer myself."

Rodney coughed loudly. God. How could Sheppard say such things and not realize what they did to Rodney?

Sheppard patted his back. "Are you all right?" he asked.

Standing next to Sheppard was difficult when he still had his hand on Rodney's back and Rodney's mind was still filled with images of his joking offer. "You shouldn't offer what you're not willing to deliver," Rodney said, taking a step to the side away from Sheppard.

Sheppard gave him a long look. "I never do."

Rodney stared at Sheppard. He couldn't be serious. "You'd have sex with me," Rodney said flatly.

Sheppard hesitated, then licked his lips. "If that's what you want," he said, stepping closer to Rodney. There was no mistaking that he wasn't joking now. If he ever had been in the first place.

All the blood in Rodney's body seemed to rush towards his dick. The little that didn't shot to his face.

Sheppard grinned. "That's a yes, right?" he asked, stepping right into Rodney's space. "Just trying to avoid another misunderstanding."

Rodney could only nod.

~~

They walked to Sheppard's—he could probably start thinking of him as John at this point—quarters as fast as they could without running. John's hand was on his back pushing him forward, and before the door was even fully closed, Rodney found himself pulled into a demanding kiss.

John apparently didn't do things halfheartedly. Not that Rodney was complaining. John held his face, opening up his mouth and plundering Rodney's in a way that made Rodney's whole body sing right down to his toes.

He wanted to think that it was the long time that he'd been forced to be alone, but when John pushed him onto the bed and Rodney felt as if he would melt into the mattress, he couldn't recall ever having felt like this in his life.

John's hands started traveling down his body, working on his shirt, while his mouth moved along Rodney's jaw then down his neck.

Rodney panted, feeling increasingly breathless. John covered the bits of skin he freed with kisses, and when he licked and firmly sucked on one of Rodney's nipples, Rodney let out a moan.

John lavished the same attention to the other nipple, even as his hand slid into Rodney's pants.

"Oh, god," Rodney said. His body started trembling under the onslaught. When John started stroking his already leaking dick, Rodney knew that he wouldn't last. He couldn't bring himself to ask John to stop—just tried to hold back the impending orgasm.

It was as if his whole body was being charged up with electricity, waiting for an explosive discharge.

John kept playing with his nipples, keeping the strokes on Rodney's dick light, but then he moved his mouth down Rodney's stomach and eventually sucked in the head of his dick.

Rodney groaned loudly when John swallowed him down. His hands clawed into the sheets of John's bunk, his legs tensed in the effort not to push himself into John's mouth.

John didn't go slow. He twirled his tongue around the head of Rodney's cock, while working his hand firmly up and down the shaft. It seemed like a full-on assault in an attempt to get Rodney off as quickly as possible.

If that was John's intention, it was definitely working. As much as Rodney tried to hold back, when John's other hand suddenly appeared at his balls and cupped them before stroking down his perineum, it was over.

Rodney shouted, his body spasming as he came in John's mouth, releasing one load after another that John greedily swallowed.

Eventually, his dick was done and Rodney collapsed into an incoherent mass of flesh and bones. He was surprised he didn't just slide off the bunk, so weak did the orgasm leave him.

John let Rodney's dick slip from his mouth, and Rodney managed to open his eyes and look up at him.

John looked very self-satisfied. "Do you still have to think about staying?" he asked.

"I'll," Rodney panted, "answer that when my brain comes back online."

"I suppose fucking you would prolong that," John mused.

Rodney looked down at where John's hard cock tented his tight pants. He was completely exhausted, but tempted enough to lick his lips.

John seemed to take that as encouragement. He opened his pants and pushed down his boxers, freeing his hard dick.

Rodney's mouth watered. "Actually, go right ahead. My brain just sent a message that it really, really wants to stay."

It was all the permission that John needed. Rodney was still too weak to be very effective in helping them get naked, but he willingly spread his legs once they were undressed and let John prepare him.

By the time John lifted his legs onto his shoulders and entered him, Rodney's dick had decided that it wanted to rejoin the party, and when John started pounding into him, Rodney thought that his life on the Pegasus was shaping up to be pretty perfect.

~~

When Rodney woke up the next morning, he was alone in John's quarters. It wasn't entirely unexpected since John tended to be up earlier than the others, so Rodney didn't think much of it. He snuck back into his own quarters and took a shower, letting the not entirely unpleasant ache in his ass remind him of the previous night.

The sex had been great, and Rodney hadn't expected John to be so enthusiastic about it. In fact, his interest had surprised Rodney more than Jennifer's which he also hadn't seen coming.

Rodney had to admit that he wasn't very good at relationships. He couldn't read people's signals very well, so the explicitly casual arrangements he'd had on Helenos had worked out well as a compromise between a relationship and one-night-stands.

He wasn't entirely sure what this thing with John was. His offer had thrown Rodney for a loop, but he was willing to see where things went both as whatever he was to John and as the newest member of the crew of the Pegasus.

~~

The others were in the middle of breakfast when Rodney joined them. His eyes sought out John, who leaned back casually in his chair, eating an apple. When he saw Rodney, he gave him a quick smile.

Ronon wordlessly passed the coffee to Rodney, and Teyla continued talking about the deal they'd made in Franklyn the night before. Jennifer was munching on a slice of bread, also giving Rodney a quick smile when he sat.

It all seemed very much like any of the mornings since he'd first come aboard the Pegasus.

Rodney wasn't entirely sure what he'd expected. He started eating and enjoying the peaceful breakfast atmosphere of his new home.

~~

After breakfast, Rodney continued to work on the engine. It required a few workarounds to do so while the ship was in space, but none of them wanted to be stranded in a space port too long, and in the end, the additional work was only minor.

"Making progress?" John's voice came from the entrance to the engine room.

Rodney looked up to see him leaning against the door. His gaze traveled down John's lean body, remembering what it looked like naked, above him, inside of him. He flushed.

John's mouth twitched, and he entered the engine room, stepping up to where Rodney was working on the floor. "Still re-wiring the old system?" he asked.

"Yes," Rodney said, trying to keep his eyes on John's face. He feared that his own face didn't lose its shade of red.

"Anything I can do to help?" John asked, looking at where wire cables and smaller parts lay around Rodney.

"Uhm," Rodney said. Considering that he was trying to undo much of what John had done, he didn't think there would be a point. This wasn't even something where Rodney could teach him a thing or two. Right now, it came down to basic handiwork, and Rodney would be faster if he did that alone without having to check John's slow work as well.

"It's okay," John said, understanding. "If you need any help or want to share any ideas, let me know."

Rodney nodded. They stood in awkward silence for a moment.

"I'll leave you to it, then," John eventually said. "Good job," he added, giving Rodney a quick forced smile.

When he was gone, Rodney dropped the electrometer he'd been holding and leaned against the wall.

God, that had been excruciating. So far, every time John had joined him in the engine room they'd been able to chat easily. Even if Rodney had to tell John he was wrong about something or had done something wrong with the engine, they'd been able to maintain a relaxed atmosphere. Professional, but friendly.

Now being professional apparently took an effort—with extremely awkward results.

Rodney was a bit surprised by that, because the night before John had switched from professional to seductive with so much ease that Rodney couldn't have imagined the situation becoming uncomfortable for either of them.

Not that he thought it would be like that for them from now on. This had just been the first time they'd been alone together after having sex. It was natural to feel their way around how to handle it.

At least, Rodney sincerely hoped that it was just that.

~~

Rodney worked some more on rewiring the old system, but he couldn't get the awkwardness between him and John out of his head.

Eventually he decided to talk to him again—about a topic that he was guaranteed to love.

"I've been thinking about adding an additional booster to the ship," he said as he entered, hoping that when he dropped right into the topic, there would be no time for awkwardness.

John turned his chair around to him. "You mean another propulsion module?" he asked. "I've been told to integrate it in a stable way would require re-building half the ship."

"Well, yes, if you use it as another propulsion module you would. That's why my suggestion is to add it as a booster," Rodney said.

John looked at him, clearly intrigued. "Go on," he said, inviting Rodney to sit in the pilot's chair.

Rodney sat down. "So," he began, seeing John lean forward attentively and without a trace of awkwardness between them. This had definitely worked as expected.

And the idea with the booster was pretty genius as well.

~~

They went back and forth on Rodney's idea. The booster would provide the ship with energy to accelerate, but leave the stabilization to the existing propulsion systems.

John asked how much difference they would make, how they could be added to ship, how much they would cost to be installed and maintained, and how exactly the details would work.

Rodney spent several hours, including lunch and eventually dinner, explaining his plan to John and how to best put it into action. It would require a certain amount downtime for the ship when they made the actual installation, but John was willing to make a longer stop considering the benefits. They'd have to think about which space port to use, but that was still far off in the future since they both agreed that Rodney should finish his current work on the engine before starting the next project.

In the evening, Rodney found himself a little hoarse from talking so much. He must have lost his touch during the time in imprisonment. "Okay, that should have cleared everything up for the moment," he declared. "I'm ready to call it a night. Unless you have more questions."

"Only one," John said.

Rodney sighed and dropped his head, "What?"

"Will you fuck me this time?" John asked.

Rodney spluttered, blood flushing to his dick and his face once again. John seemed to have a talent for making that happen to him. Rodney swallowed thickly. After all the talking of the day, he answered with a single word. "Yes."

~~

They managed to avoid any awkwardness between them after that. Instead there was a clear separation between their days, which weren't any different than before they'd started having sex, and the nights, which they spent in John's quarters.

Rodney tried not to think about why that made him feel a certain amount of dissonance. Sex with John was amazing, inventive, and varied. John as his captain was smart, interested, but willing to let Rodney do his job. And they got along as friends as well, just like he did with the others.

There was really nothing to complain about so Rodney just ignored whatever it was that nagged him about his...thing with John.

John, Teyla, and Ronon continued to go on missions, while Rodney mostly stayed on the ship with Jennifer, working on the booster. One time, John suggested that he join them on a mission to return a stolen family heirloom.

With Rodney's help, they managed to pull off a veritable heist, though John assured him that it wasn't stealing if it didn't belong to them in the first place. Rodney simply acknowledged the realities of living in the outskirts of the galaxy, where not every town on every planet had the means to send ships on missions to bring back stolen goods or kidnapped people.

After the successful mission, Rodney went along whenever breaking and entering was involved, or rather whenever they didn't just go in guns blazing, trying to look as intimidating as possible. In such cases, there was no point in bringing Rodney, because he was terrible at appearing dangerous next to someone like Ronon. Also, those kinds of missions tended to be more dangerous, and Rodney was all for being kept safe.

Of course, the downside of staying behind while the others went on a mission was the wait for them to return. In most cases, Rodney managed to distract himself with work, but one day when he went to get a snack he found Jennifer nervously pacing the holding area of the ship.

For some reason, they'd actually landed on the planet, even though John, Teyla, and Ronon were taking the shuttle to town, and the doors were opened, so that Jennifer could look out onto the open plain, where there was no sign of the shuttle in the sky.

"Is something wrong?" Rodney asked. John had made it clear that he didn't want Rodney along on this mission, and he'd sounded serious enough that Rodney hadn't even asked why. He knew little about the goal of the mission, other than returning something that had been stolen.

"No, no, still right on plan," Jennifer said, giving him a weak smile, only to look back out. There was no mistaking her worry.

"O-kay," Rodney said. He was a bit confused. Jennifer was a no-nonsense doctor. She was friendly but didn't coo over patients who were older than five years old. She also had never before waited so nervously for the others to return from a mission that didn't involve a possibly injured kidnapping victim. "This mission is recover some _thing_ , not some _one_ , right?" he asked just to make sure that he hadn't gotten it wrong.

"Yes," Jennifer confirmed. Apparently sensing Rodney's confusion, she added, "We've been to Stenung before. Remember when I told you John had been shot in the thigh?"

Rodney nodded.

"We nearly lost him that day. He was losing so much blood, I could barely keep him alive long enough to get him to the nearest clinic. He was shot by the same people who took the chest that they're trying to get back now," Jennifer explained.

"Wait," Rodney said. "What you're saying is that they've gone out there trying to steal something back from people who'll most likely—"

"Open fire on them as soon as they realize who it is," Jennifer finished for him. "Did I mention they have plenty of semi-automatic rifles?" she added, grimacing.

"No, you didn't," Rodney said, eyes drawn to where the shuttle had left them about an hour ago. "I think I'll just wait with you," he said. He didn't think he'd be able to concentrate, knowing that any minute John's bleeding body could come back in the shuttle—or worse, _not_ return.

~~

Rodney chatted with Jennifer as they waited, but despite trying to distract each other, the tension was high and their gazes were drawn out again and again. They were still within the timeframe that they'd set, so it wasn't time to panic yet, but unfortunately Rodney had a very good imagination when it came to worst case scenarios.

The others could be shot or captured, or captured and then shot, maybe tortured in between. Despite his ten-year imprisonment, Rodney had to admit that he hadn't experienced the worst this part of the galaxy had to offer. And he would be quite happy if he'd never had to experience it in the future, whether first-hand or through his friends.

When the shuttle appeared in the sky as a small dot, coming closer, still within the planned timeframe, Jennifer and Rodney looked at each other, relieved.

"Maybe everything went without a hitch," she said, hopefully.

Rodney nodded. The shuttle seemed to take a normal flight path. That was re-assuring. He _wanted_ to believe that they'd all be okay, but his natural tendency to expect the worst wouldn't let him rest until he actually saw them unharmed.

Unfortunately, it wasn't meant to be.

"Ronon!" was the only thing John said to Jennifer as soon as they landed. The back of the shuttle opened, and Ronon was leaning so heavily on Teyla that Rodney didn't know how he could even still stand up. He was drenched in blood, and Jennifer sprang into action.

"Gurney," she ordered, rushing to Teyla to help her with Ronon.

Rodney went to fetch the gurney that she'd already put in the holding area as a precaution. He rolled it towards them, and they wrestled Ronon onto it.

Ronon looked pale, his jaw clenched, eyes fluttering close every now and then, but he was conscious for now.

Suddenly the big doors to the holding area closed. Rodney blinked. John must have gone to prepare them for take-off.

"Will they...come after us?" Rodney asked Teyla.

"We will be fine," she assured him, though there was just enough hesitation in her eyes that he didn't quite believe it was a certainty.

Jennifer rolled Ronon into her little infirmary and began working on him, trying to locate the wounds and stabilizing him. Teyla assisted her, calmly doing what she was asked.

When Jennifer tore away the remains of Ronon's shirt and revealed a gaping wound, Rodney felt whatever he'd last eaten rise up from his stomach. He managed to run to the bathroom next to the infirmary just in time to throw up.

He was gurgling some water when Teyla leaned her head into the room. "Are you all right?" she asked.

Rodney spat out the water. He felt a hysterical laugh rising in his chest. "Am _I_ all right?" he asked.

"There is no shame in being upset about this," she said gently, touching his arm.

"Teyla?" came Jennifer's voice from the infirmary.

Teyla gave Rodney a reassuring smile and went back. After taking a deep breath or three, he followed her.

Jennifer was sewing together the wound, having Teyla hold it together for her. Rodney just stood and stared.

"Could make som'thin' to eat," Ronon said between laborious breaths.

Rodney's eyes shot to his face. He couldn't believe that Ronon was still awake. Then he realized that Ronon had spoken to him. "I..." he said. Then he nodded. "Sure, I can do that." He waited for another moment, and when Teyla gave him a quick encouraging smile, he turned and left.

Food was about the last thing on his mind, and he didn't see how Ronon would be able to enjoy a meal in the near future, but at least it kept him occupied. It wasn't as if he was of any use in the infirmary.

He put together a quick meal, potatoes with synthetic sour cream, and returned to the infirmary to see how they were doing.

Ronon had his eyes closed now, and Rodney didn't want to ask if he had lost consciousness. Jennifer seemed to have it under control with Teyla's help, and it didn't look like there was anything he could do right now.

He decided to check in on John. Now that he thought about it, it was a bit unusual that John hadn't come down to see how Ronon was doing.

Suddenly it occurred to Rodney that maybe they were still being followed. The inertial dampeners of the ship meant that they wouldn't feel any evasive maneuvers. He quickly walked up the steps to the cockpit, but he couldn't see any other ship outside or on the radar and they seemed to be on a straight flight path.

Rodney sighed in relief.

At hearing him, John turned in his chair. "How's Ronon?" he asked tightly.

"I think, he'll be okay. Jennifer's patching him up right no—" That was when Rodney noticed the blood stain on John's hand. "Is that Ronon's blood?" he asked, a bad feeling rising in him.

John only turned back to the console.

Rodney was at his side in a moment, pushing up his jacket, only to reveal more blood running. "You're hurt!" Rodney said.

"It's just a scratch," John said dismissively.

"Okay, then let's see that 'scratch'," Rodney insisted, opening up John's jacket, making John hiss as it revealed a flesh wound on his biceps. "Scratch!" Rodney said.

He stood up straight, but John took his arm, holding it firmly. "Ronon is much worse off than I am. There's no need to worry them right now. Let her finish on Ronon, and then she can look after me," he said, looking Rodney straight in the eye.

"Okay," Rodney said after a moment. "But will you please allow me to get some gauze to stop the bleeding until she gets to you?"

John hesitated, but then nodded and let Rodney's arm go. "Don't tell them," he insisted again as Rodney left the cockpit.

Typical Sheppard. Rodney thought it was a _good_ thing that he was so intent on keeping his crew safe, but not at the expense of his own life. Rodney was glad that it was just a flesh wound. For a moment, he'd feared... He didn't even want to think about that. Instead he quickly walked to the nearest cargo room to get some gauze and disinfectant out of the first-aid box there.

Back in the cockpit, John was picking at his wound. "Stop that," Rodney admonished him. "Let me do a little first aid that will hold you together until Jennifer can look at your arm."

John let Rodney work, biting his lip when he applied the disinfectant.

"And just so we clear, that was a stupid thing to do and it will never happen again," Rodney said, concentrating on cleaning John's wound.

"We brought back the chest. That'll keep us afloat for half a year and pay for most of the parts for the new booster," John said.

"I wasn't _talking_ about that, though choosing to come back here after what had happened the last time was _also_ stupid. I'm talking about walking away and not telling anyone you were shot," Rodney said, starting to wind the gauze around John's arm, once he was satisfied with the clean-up.

"Ronon was more important," John only said.

"Yes, and I'm sure Jennifer would have seen that and acted accordingly. But you don't even know how long she'll have to work on Ronon, how stable he is now, and don't tell me you could say with certainty that your wound wasn't deeper. What if you'd passed out in your chair and we wouldn't even have noticed until we looked for you and found you _bled to death_?"

John didn't say anything, but gave Rodney a slightly stubborn look.

"Promise me it will never happen again," Rodney insisted, turning his gaze from the wound to John now.

"I'm responsible for my crew," John said.

"Yes, and without you, what will become of us? John, I'm serious. Trust Jennifer to set the correct priorities. She'd never let anything happen to Ronon just to deal with a 'scratch' on your arm. You know that."

"I do," John conceded.

"So?" Rodney prompted.

"All right, I promise," John said, rolling his eyes.

Rodney smiled satisfied. He finished up the gauze, pinning it together. It looked quite disorderly, and Jennifer would have to take a look at clean it up properly, but John was definitely better off now than before. "There. That should be enough for now," he declared.

"I don't know," John said, suddenly pouting. "I think you could make it even better."

"Oh god," Rodney said, sighing. "When does 'kissing it better' _ever_ work for someone who's not a kid anymore?"

John's pout intensified.

"Oh, all right!" Rodney gave up. "But no acrobatics. You'll lie down and let me..." he flushed.

John stood up, pulling Rodney with him. "You're the best nurse I ever had," he said.

~~

Jennifer told Rodney he did a good job, when she eventually inspected John's wound. She also berated John for not saying something. Rodney only gave him a smug look when the others joined her.

"Okay, okay," John protested. "I already promised Rodney it won't happen again."

Ronon raised an eyebrow at that, but seemed satisfied. Teyla told John sternly that she sincerely hoped he'd keep that promise. Apparently, John had outright lied to her when she'd asked if he'd been hit.

Jennifer declared the matter settled and announced that she could do with a drink.

Their next stop was the first planet with a hospital to do a full check-up on Ronon. To everyone's relief, none of his injuries seemed to be permanent, but Jennifer told them, Ronon would need to rest for at least three weeks. She also didn't want John to go on missions for a week.

They deliberated whether to use their downtime to travel towards Helenos or to start working on the integration of the booster. Rodney said, he was nowhere near being ready to integrate anything, though he might do some preparatory work on the ship, so that once they actually had the booster, it wouldn't take as long.

But even for that he needed at least a few days to prepare the frame that would hold the booster. So John decided to take up a job offer on a planet three days away from them. Jennifer reminded him of her mission ban.

"It's just herding a few sheep. Teyla and Rodney can do the bulk of the work. I'll just sit with Frija on the wagon doing nothing strenuous at all."

"Wait, what? Herding sheep?!" Rodney asked. "Didn't you want me to get the frame ready as soon as possible?"

"You'll have three days until we get there," John said. "Wasn't that how long you said you needed?"

"Yes, but don't you want me to integrate it in the ship when it's done instead of running around some dumb animals?" Rodney asked.

"I don't feel comfortable leaving Ronon without Jennifer and it will be _very_ difficult for Teyla to do it alone," John said. "You can do the integration once we're done. There's usually a feast after we got the herd back. If you want to skip that to work on the integration, be my guest." He gave Rodney an infuriating smile.

Rodney glared at him. "Great," he muttered, turning to go back to where he'd started working on the frame. "Next time he'll have me scrub waste pools."

"Rodney!" John called after him, sharply.

Rodney turned around, still annoyed.

"Everyone on this ship pulls their weight. Most of the time that's doing what they're best at, but sometimes it's simply doing what needs to be done. Is that a _problem_ for you?" John asked.

Rodney's jaw clenched. "No, _captain_ ," he said.

"Good. Dismissed."

Rodney rolled his eyes and went back to work.

~~

Rodney wasn't actually mad at John. It was a necessity in their current situation, so he'd do his best, though he sure as hell hoped that John didn't actually expect him to know what he was doing.

John didn't seem to be mad at him either. When he checked in on Rodney later that day, he was at ease, looking at the design of the frame and discussing it with Rodney.

He made good progress on the frame. The design was modified a bit on the way, so his original estimate of three days was extended to five, but John said, they'd have time when they left Levelshurst.

The planet was a farming planet and their job was to help a woman called Frija herd her sheep back to the homestead. She had a wagon to transport tents and some equipment and was going to move ahead of them and the herd, while Teyla and Rodney would follow on horseback.

Rodney had the displeasure of riding only a few times in his life, and he didn't see how he could be in any way helpful if he couldn't even get the horse to move.

"Don't worry," Frija assured him. "The horses will know what to do. They're very smart."

Rodney was very tempted to say, "Well, then what do you need _me_ for?" but seeing how nice John was trying to be to their client, he managed to hold his tongue.

John was riding on the wagon with Frija, and soon they were off on their little sheep herding adventure.

It wasn't supposed to take longer than a day, but by the time they stopped to have lunch, every bone in Rodney's body hurt. He was annoyed with the world at large, though his frustration soon centered on John, who was getting really chummy with Frija.

She kept touching his arm and professing her sympathy and how much it must hurt. Rodney expected her to offer to kiss it better at any moment now. What was worse though was that John seemed to welcome her advances. He kept smiling and using his just-a-regular-space-captain charm which didn't come across as overt seduction—Rodney knew what _that_ looked like after all—but more as innocent flirtation.

After lunch they continued on, and Rodney wasn't sure if he wanted to stay back so that he didn't have to hear their exchanges or if he needed to know what John told her.

Frija became less subtle it seemed to Rodney, lamenting that she hadn't found the right man on Levelshurst and that she wasn't willing to simply settle. The she went on to describe her dream man in ways that so obviously applied to John that Rodney had to force himself not to shout, "Why don't you just throw yourself at him?" Then again, maybe she'd do that later at the festival.

John's snide suggestion to skip the festival in favor of working on the frame suddenly made Rodney wonder whether that had really been in jest.

They eventually managed to make it back to the homestead, everyone—sheep and human—alive and relatively well. Teyla dismounted the horse as elegantly and effortlessly as she'd handled the whole journey. Rodney managed to get off his horse without too much groaning, but he hissed when he stretched, his muscles aching in a way he was sure to feel for at least a couple of days.

"Thank you," Frija said to all of them. "You'll stay for the festival, of course," she added, putting her hand on John's arm again.

"It will be our _pleasure_ ," John said, and Rodney nearly choked.

He wasn't sure he could stomach seeing any more of their display, but after what he'd gone through he sure as hell deserved to join their festival.

The food was very good at least. Ronon and Jennifer had joined them, and together they could lament that Rodney hadn't been able to switch places with them.

"It's fun to actually get out there and _do_ things for a change," Ronon said.

"I would have been quite happy _doing_ things on the ship. And horse-riding should be classified as torture," Rodney added.

"Your back hurts?" Jennifer guessed, sipping on the mead that was going around.

"The only part of my body that doesn't hurt is my face," Rodney said.

"Maybe regular exercise would make the next time easier," Jennifer suggested carefully.

"I offer to train with him!" Ronon said.

"Training with you should probably also be classified as torture," Rodney commented.

"You'll get better at it after a while," Ronon said.

"Just take a relaxing bath today. I have some oils you could use," Jennifer suggested.

"Maybe," Rodney said. He looked over to where Frija was all but feeding John. If the evening went on like this, he wouldn't have to worry about using John's bathroom—the only on the ship with a bath tub. If John wasn't there, it wouldn't disturb him after all.

~~

Eventually, Jennifer said that they really should get Ronon back to the ship. Since Ronon didn't protest, Rodney figured he really had to be tired.

Jennifer went to Frija and thanked her for her hospitality.

"You're leaving already?" she said.

Rodney rolled his eyes. The sun had long gone down and most of Frija's neighbors had left a while ago. Though she might not have noticed, since her attention was solely on John.

"It's late, and Ronon needs his rest," Jennifer said.

"Of course," Frija said. "Maybe... you'd like to stay here. We don't have quite enough beds for all of you, but if some of us shared..." she suggested, her gaze settling on John.

Rodney couldn't believe the woman. Why didn't she just throw herself at John's feet and shout, "Take me now?"

"It's probably better if we head back," John said—to Rodney's slight surprise. He did sound very mournful about it, though.

"You wouldn't impose," Frija assured him.

"We thank you for your generous offer," Teyla stepped in. "But our ship is not far. It will be no inconvenience for us to return to it."

Frija looked at John, slightly helpless, but still hopeful.

"As Teyla said," John told her. " _Thank you_ very much for your offer, but we should get back to the ship. I'd like to take her into space before we head to bed."

"Oh," she said, obviously disappointed. "Well, of course, I can understand that you have other commitments." She sighed, apparently willing to accept her cruel fate of not bagging John as future husband or even for the night.

"It was a wonderful evening and a pleasure to assist you, as always," John said. Then he took her hand and actually kissed it.

Even Teyla rolled her eyes at that one, so Rodney knew he wasn't the only who felt that this was ridiculous.

Frija smiled happily at John, then sighed wistfully. "I will get your pay."

Rodney only stared at John while Frija disappeared in her home.

"What?" John asked innocently.

"The captain can be a charmer if he wants to," Jennifer commented with a grin.

Rodney didn't think this was funny. He wondered how often John did this planetside while Rodney stayed on the ship or did repairs in town. Maybe this was normal and he simply had never witnessed it so far.

Frija came back and pressed a little pouch into John's hand. John opened it, his eyes widening. Frija closed her hand over his over the pouch. "I must thank you for coming to help me despite the injuries in your crew and even coming along despite your own injury." She stroked his arm.

"We hope to return next year," John said sincerely.

Then he and Frija shared a long—and longing—look, and Rodney almost expected them to kiss. They didn't, however, and after saying their goodbyes, they finally went back on board.

John took the Pegasus into space as soon as they arrived.

Rodney wasn't sure where to go. He'd spent every night in John's quarters since they'd started having sex, sometimes stumbling in late at night after working long. But after John had spent practically all day flirting with someone else, Rodney wasn't sure it was what either of them wanted.

However his body still hurt, so he decided to take Jennifer's advice and take a bath.

Rodney put his head into the cockpit, asking John if he was okay with that.

"Sure," John said. He was programming in the flight path for the night.

Rodney nodded and went on his way. Even though he was getting tired, the bath had been a good idea, because he felt himself relaxing both mentally and physically. His mind drifted off to visions of the new booster until the water was getting cold, and he decided to get out before he turned into a prune.

He did a quick swipe of his body with the towel and pulled on clean boxers and a shirt. The bath had mellowed his mood somewhat, so he considered staying in John's quarters for the night. After all, John had declined Frija's invitation to stay. And the truth was, they had never clearly defined their relationship. So it wasn't as if John had betrayed him.

When Rodney stepped out of the bathroom, he was surprised to find John in bed. John tended to stay in the cockpit much longer than necessary, just to watch them make their way through the vastness of space. But tonight he'd apparently decided to turn in right after programming to auto-navigator. Maybe he was tired.

John looked up at Rodney, turned onto his side, and lifted up the cover invitingly—revealing the wide expanse of skin of his completely naked body.

So maybe he wasn't tired.

Rodney swallowed and got out of his boxers and shirt again, slipping into bed next to John.

"How's your back?" John asked.

"Still hurts. I'm surprised you even noticed," Rodney couldn't help saying.

"It was kind of hard to miss the grunting and hissing," John said, mouth twitching on the verge of a grin.

Rodney harrumphed, wondering if he shouldn't just get out of bed again.

"I could give you a massage," John suggested, however, making Rodney reconsider.

Instead of leaving, he turned on the bunk, settling on his stomach, arms lying flat next to him. "Have at it," he said.

John chuckled and set to work. It was a bit awkward, since he mainly used his left arm, but Rodney still felt his body relaxing even further. "You could start working out a bit. It'll hurt less next time if you do," John said quietly.

"So everyone keeps saying," Rodney mumbled, too relaxed to get annoyed by the suggestion.

"You could train with Teyla. She won't be as hard on you at first," John said, his hands now on Rodney's lower back.

"I'll think about it when I can move like a normal human again," Rodney conceded.

John snorted. He continued to massage Rodney, moving to his thighs, then back up again. Rodney sighed happily. He was drifting somewhere between wakefulness and sleep when he felt John starting to kiss his back.

Normally, this would have set him in the mood for sex, but today it brought back memories of how John had flirted with Frija all day.

John stopped, probably feeling the tension that had returned to Rodney's body. Rodney waited for him to continue or to say something. Instead, John put his hand on Rodney's side and started to turn him around onto his back.

Rodney complied slightly reluctantly. A pout might have formed on his lips now that John was looking down at him.

John's eyes were slightly narrowed in concentration. "Would you rather just sleep?" he eventually asked.

Rodney didn't quite know what to answer. He enjoyed having sex with John very much, but he didn't mind just falling asleep next to him either. His hesitation right now had nothing to do with that, however. He simply couldn't easily forget that as the day progressed, he'd become more and more certain that John would end up with Frija for the night.

That he _hadn't_ should probably be enough for Rodney, but it apparently wasn't as simple to his brain. Or maybe his heart.

"I'm not _that_ tired," Rodney said quietly.

John smiled, though a hint of a frown remained on his face. He leaned down to kiss Rodney. Rodney let it happen at first, but then he opened his mouth to deepen the kiss. He put his arms around John to pull him closer and thrust up his hips towards him.

When John moaned, something in Rodney broke, and he pushed at John until he lay on his back with Rodney straddling him.

John seemed a bit surprised by Rodney's slightly more aggressive side. Pleasantly surprised though. Rodney took his hardening cock in his hand, making John take in a deep breath.

No matter how welcoming John had been to Frija's advances, he was all Rodney's now, to kiss and touch and pleasure. It was probably petty of Rodney to want to stake his claim against someone who'd already lost the prize, but he still leaned forward and took John's mouth in another passionate kiss, starting to jerk his cock in firm short strokes.

John started to move beneath him, straining to be closer to Rodney. He lifted his hips and stroked Rodney's arms and side. Rodney reached for the oil on the nightstand, keeping up the rhythm of his fist around John's dick.

John undulated beneath him, eagerly spreading his legs for Rodney. They both moaned when Rodney shoved two oiled fingers into John's hole. He did a quick but thorough job of preparing John, hitting John's prostate every now and then, eliciting a groan or just a whimper.

Finally Rodney pulled John's legs over his shoulder and positioned himself at John's entrance. John looked up at him, mouth half open, face flushed, and Rodney pushed himself into John in one long thrust until he was fully embedded inside.

John moaned, hands fisting the pillow beneath his head. Rodney started moving in a hard, fast rhythm, slamming into John at different angles until he found the one that made John shout.

He kept that position and proceeded to fuck John, relentlessly thrusting as hard as he could. John had move his hands to the wall to keep Rodney from moving him across the bunk. A constant stream of mostly incoherent noises fell from his lips, while Rodney remained silent except for the heavy panting.

Rodney felt himself tire from the strain of keeping the position, but he couldn't stop or even slow down. He needed to see John in the throws of ecstasy, needed John to lose control because of Rodney's touch, Rodney's body, Rodney's cock.

He managed to wrap his hand around John's cock again, and after just two strokes, John froze and spasmed beneath and around Rodney, calling out his name as he came.

Rodney fucked him through it, memorizing how John looked when he knew nothing in the world but the pleasure that Rodney gave him.

~~

Rodney's body still hurt the next day, but he was too content to mind all that much.

Last night had been amazing, and it had proven to Rodney that no matter how much John might have flirted with Frija, he was Rodney's at the end of the day.

Rodney was last to breakfast as always. The others greeted him, and John gave him a smile, licking his lips before turning back to the group at large.

"We got enough money to pay for the rest of the parts for the booster," John said happily, lifting the pouch Frija had given him the night before.

Rodney couldn't help the pang of jealousy at the reminder of Frija. Even if she hadn't gotten her way with John, Rodney didn't have to like watching her try—and John going along with it. He dropped his gaze, trying to recall the previous night. As his dick twitched, he reconsidered that particular strategy of coping with his jealousy.

Thankfully Ronon distracted him, pushing a slice of bread with cream cheese and some left-over roast from the festival at him. "You should try this."

Rodney only nodded and ate silently as John listed the options on where they could go next on their way to Helenos.

~~

It would have been easy to dismiss what happened on Levelshurst as a one-time thing, but Rodney wasn't naive enough to believe it would never happen again.

John hadn't apologized nor signaled that he was in any way embarrassed that Rodney had witnessed his open flirting with Frija. Apparently, he didn't think there was anything wrong with what he had done. And maybe there wasn't.

They'd never discussed the nature of their relationship, so Rodney could only assume that this was what John wanted.

He wanted to keep flirting with women when it suited him, even if he would come home to the bunk he shared with Rodney that night. He wanted to keep all options open, or at least the appearance of that because it hadn't gone unnoticed to Rodney that outside of their quarters John didn't once treat him in any way that would acknowledge that he was sleeping with Rodney.

Rodney wasn't sure what the point was because the quarters were small and at this point it had probably not gone unnoticed that Rodney never used the room that was supposed to be his. But maybe it was this plausible deniability that John needed. Maybe it was important to John that everyone pretended that he and Rodney were just friends.

The question was whether this was okay with Rodney.

He hadn't agreed to stay on board for the purpose of finding a partner. The few attempts at actual relationships in Rodney's life had all ended in failure, and he had to concede that maybe he wasn't built for relationships. Even back then he'd found casual arrangements as a suitable alternative, so there was no reason not to do the same now.

However, there was a certain emotional attachment that he felt to John that hadn't been the case with most of his casual sex partners of the past. They'd bonded over engineering and making the Pegasus the best ship she could be and Rodney liked John's laid-back command style that encouraged his crew to express their opinions, but still pulled them all together as one unit even when things went wrong.

He and John had become _friends_ as well as captain and engineer and sex partners. And the physical closeness that the ship forced on them—even if John's place was the cockpit and Rodney's the engine room or his new workshop/lab combination—only added to the feeling that this was not at all like his previous arrangements.

But even if he and John had never explicitly laid out what it was that they had, Rodney had to come to the conclusion that there was no reason to assume that John had ever wanted a relationship. Thinking back to their first night, Rodney recalled John's explicit offer to have sex with him—to make him stay.

He didn't believe that it was pure calculation on John's part. John was so enthusiastic when they had sex that he had to get something out of it. Rodney would even go so far as to say that he really liked it. But even if John enjoyed having sex with Rodney, that didn't mean that there weren't clear limits on what he would allow their relationship to be.

John was a man of his word, Rodney had learned over time. He didn't offer something he wasn't willing to give. But it _didn't_ mean that he was willing to give anything more, and this was something that Rodney needed to accept or it would only make him unhappy when they landed on the next planet with the next Frija and Rodney tortured himself over how John flirted with her.

In the end, Rodney decided that if John came home with him at night, it didn't matter what he did during the day. As for Teyla, Ronon, and Jennifer, it wasn't anybody's business who did what with whom. There was no reason for them to know, and certainly there was no need to tell them, Rodney's sometimes proprietary feelings for John notwithstanding.

He'd simply have to learn to deal with it. And considering what he'd gone through in the last decade and how good his life on the Pegasus was with his new friends, unexpectedly interesting professional opportunities, and amazing sex every night if he wanted, this issue was so minor it was practically laughable.

~~

Eight days after the fateful mission on Stenung, Jennifer allowed John to go on missions again. John had the good sense—and Teyla's not so subtle nudging—to choose simple jobs that would only require them to locate and return stolen goods or trading jobs.

Rodney came along as their third man in Ronon's absence, though Ronon was beginning to complain that he was fine and ready to go out there again. Jennifer threatened to sedate him if he didn't comply voluntarily, and for now that seemed to shut him up.

The jobs were boring for the most part. Rodney helped them load and unload goods, and if they located stolen goods, he helped them break and enter or tried to look as cool and deadly as John and Teyla when they confronted the thieves.

There were other instances of flirting, Rodney realized now that he actually joined them on all jobs. John seemed to be the type of a wide array of women and could appeal as a bad boy, cocky pilot, or just a nice guy, trying to make ends meet at the end of the galaxy.

Rodney learned to ignore it, and if he was a bit more aggressive in bed on the nights following such jobs, John never complained.

They made their way closer to Helenos, and Rodney made progress on the design of the booster, even if he didn't have as much time to work on it until Jennifer finally allowed Ronon to go back on missions.

It was to _everyone's_ relief really, since in the last weeks, Ronon had gotten stir crazy inside the ship and even trips to the city didn't fulfill his need to _physically_ do something.

But soon life was back to normal, with John, Teyla, and Ronon going on missions, taking Rodney if it made sense for the job and letting him do repairs or work on the ship otherwise. They also visited some planets where Jennifer could treat patients. Rodney soon learned that those kinds of planets often also lacked basic other facilities and began working on portable water cleaners and other machines to help those communities.

By the time they were closing in on Helenos, Rodney had a hard time imagining going back there on a permanent basis.

Before they arrived on Helenos however, John wanted to visit an old friend of his on a planet nearby. Since Darovenlar had an active night life, Rodney decided to check out what they had to offer.

Everyone on board went into town, and Larrin was waiting for them in front of a bar.

"John, it's _good_ to see you," Larrin greeted him. What _could_ have been a simple greeting between friends, sounded like foreplay coming from her, and the way she wound herself around John set Rodney's teeth on edge.

Oh, well, he'd learned to deal with it.

While John went straight to the bar with Larrin, the others visited a performance before joining them. Rodney wasn't necessarily a theater buff, but the show was quite funny, and he had a pretty good time.

When he entered the bar, it took him a moment to locate John and Larrin. It was quite dark and smoky, but eventually his eyes adjusted and he saw them squeezed together in a corner.

The others went to the bar, so Rodney hesitated. He decided to also take a drink first and then maybe join John in a moment.

The drinks were good. Next to him, Jennifer was flirting with another guest, while Ronon had a bet going with the bartender about how many drinks he'd be able to take and still walk out of the bar by himself. Teyla only took a juice herself, but joined in on the bet, making sure that the bartender didn't cheat with his drinks.

Despite the distractions around him, Rodney's eyes were glued on the bit of mirror on the wall that allowed him to keep tabs on John and Larrin. They were talking and laughing together, and Rodney would be surprised if you would manage to squeeze a piece of paper between them, so close were they sitting.

John had only mentioned she was an old friend, but the longer Rodney watched them, the more he had to wonder if he hadn't meant girlfriend instead.

Larrin certainly had no problem touching John as if she had every right in the world to do so.

Rodney nursed one drink after another until he caught the time, and realized that it was getting really late. Ronon was still drinking, but they were close to the number of drinks he bet he could take. Jennifer had left a while ago, so Rodney got up and walked over to John and Larrin.

"Hey, Rodney. How was the show?" John asked when he saw him.

"Good," Rodney said. "Funny," he added.

"Larrin mentioned it was worth checking out. Maybe we can come back here on our way back from Helenos," John said.

Rodney only nodded. He felt awkward standing here. "It's getting late," he said, feeling slightly foolish, but he just wanted to go home with John.

"What?" Larrin said, checking her watch. "It's just after midnight. You can't leave already," she said, turning to John. "We haven't talked in forever," she added, though the way she let her hands disappear below the table, making John jump a little, made it clear that her primary intention was not to _talk_. "You remember that night when we 'redecorated' the statue on Kensworth?" she asked.

"Oh yes," John said, groaning a little, but smiling indulgently at her.

"We can stay a bit longer," Rodney said stiffly.

"You've got yourself a pretty demanding little engineer," Larrin commented with a glance at Rodney.

Rodney's jaw clenched. He was nobody's little engineer. John could be glad to have him and they both knew it.

"Larrin," John chided her, but it was without bite. Then he turned to Rodney. "You can go back to the ship if you're tired. We won't leave until tomorrow morning."

Rodney gaped, then shut his mouth again. "You want to spend the night here," he said for clarification, leaving the 'with her' unsaid.

"I haven't seen Larrin in forever," was John's only answer.

"He can crash with me. I don't live too far. I'll take care of him, don't worry," she added, her hands finding their way back on John.

"You want to spend the night with her?" Rodney asked John explicitly, because if that was John's decision, he wanted to hear it from him to his face and not leave it to Larrin's not so veiled hints.

"I want be able to _talk_ with an old friend," John said, frowning at Rodney.

"Okay," Rodney said stiffly.

"What? You want me to go back with you right now? Is that it?" John asked, getting irritated.

"No, of course not," Rodney said. "Wouldn't want to keep you from _talking_ to a friend all night."

"Rodney," John said. "Don't make a scene, okay?"

Rodney was tempted to do just that. They'd had a deal for fuck's sake. Rodney ignored all the flirting he did, but at the end of the day John came home with him. But apparently that was only with people that John didn't actually know. For special friends he reserved the right to ignore Rodney completely.

For a second, Rodney considered grabbing a drink and throwing it in John's face, but he didn't want to give Larrin the opportunity to undress and dry him in front of Rodney, not to mention that he was sure she had some choice words that would manage to belittle Rodney while keeping up the innuendo towards John that was in everything she uttered.

Rodney felt sick. She'd won after all. There was no point in getting humiliated some more for it. And he didn't think he could do anything to John that would actually make him feel better.

So he simply turned and left.

~~

When he woke up the next morning, Rodney was confused about his surroundings for a minute. Then he remembered why he wasn't sleeping in their bunk. John's bunk.

Fuck it! He needed a coffee, and hopefully John was still with Larrin so that he wouldn't have to face him.

Ronon looked slightly hung-over when he mumbled a greeting, while Jennifer looked quite relaxed and pleased with herself. Right. She'd gotten laid last night. Rodney wondered if Larrin and John were still at it, but banished the thought because he was _not_ thinking about John anymore.

He drank a coffee and had breakfast, listening with half an ear to Teyla, who made plans for when they would land on Helenos.

Rodney had had his own plans. He'd wanted to visit his old lab and see what had become of his apartment and old neighborhood. Then he wanted to buy all the parts for the booster and stock up on new equipment and some entertainment material for the next year in the outskirts of the galaxy.

Now he wasn't sure if he really wanted to stay.

He resented that John hadn't just carelessly told Rodney to go fuck himself—albeit in a more veiled, passive way. No, first he'd offered a place to Rodney that Rodney had grown to accept as his _home_ , and now Rodney wasn't sure what to do.

He didn't want to give up his new life on the Pegasus. He'd started working out with Teyla and even Ronon, and it was beginning to show the first results. He liked to spend lunch and dinner with the others and sometimes just chat for an hour in the evening, about their lives, about the universe, or about nothing important at all.

He'd found a _family_ on the Pegasus, and he didn't want to leave that behind and start over again.

Of course, he didn't have to. He could simply accept that if John wanted to fuck other people, he would. Rodney's previous arrangements hadn't been exclusive. Just because they were _living_ together, didn't mean that he couldn't treat their relationship like something insignificant.

Or they could simply stop having sex. They worked very well together in other respects, and if Rodney couldn't deal with how John wanted to handle their sex lives—and last night had proven quite clearly that he couldn't—they could just stop that wholesale.

Rodney would have other opportunities to have sex, just as Jennifer had last night. He'd be okay with that. He didn't need more.

So there were definitely _options_ if he wanted to stay, but at the moment, Rodney was too pissed off to think clearly about the matter, so he decided to just let things be for the moment.

They were still having breakfast when John arrived looking rumpled. There were traces of lipstick on his cheek and ear.

Rodney dropped his gaze.

"I should probably get us on the way to Helenos," John said.

Rodney only got up and walked past him to his lab.

~~

"Look, I'm sorry about last night. Larrin was out of line, and I told her so after you left," John said from the entrance of the cargo hold where Rodney had set up his lab.

"That makes me feel so much better," Rodney said flatly, not looking up from his notes.

"What do you want from me Rodney? She's an old friend. She can be a bit of an asshole, but so can you," John said.

"So you have a thing for assholes. Is that what you're saying?" Rodney said annoyed, turning his chair towards John.

"God, no! I said I was sorry. There's nothing more I can do. I'm not gonna stop being friends with people just because you don't like them. And if you were honest, you'd admit that you were... _nagging_ last night."

"' _Nagging_ '?" Rodney said.

"You basically told me not to come home too late," John pointed out. "I'm not fifteen and this is _my_ ship. Nobody tells me when to come and go."

"That's right. I'm nobody," Rodney said bitterly. "So sorry. It won't happen again."

"Rodney," John said exasperated. "You are _not_ nobody." He came closer to Rodney's desk. "You _know_ that," John added in a sincere voice.

A day ago Rodney might have. Right now, he really wasn't sure anymore.

"Want to show me what you're working on?" John asked, smiling at Rodney.

Rodney took it as a peace offering. Talking about the engine improvements had been where they'd started. But he couldn't just pretend that John only needed to apologize and everything was all right. "I should finish this first," he said, hoping that John took it as a compromise between acceptance of his apology and outright rejection.

"Okay," John said after a moment. "Let me know when you're done," he said. Then he leaned forward and kissed Rodney on the cheek. A day ago the gesture would have been more than welcome. As it was, it seemed like adding insult to injury.

~~

Rodney tried to concentrate on his work, but it was hard not to think about John and his future.

What needled Rodney was that John had only apologized for not stepping in when Larrin had insulted him. That he'd spent the night with her didn't seem to be an issue for him. Rodney could only guess it fell under the rule of being a grown-up who could do what he wanted.

He remembered what John had said to him a long time ago, about not getting involved with his crew members' lives. Apparently he expected the same from his crew about his own life—even the member of his crew that he slept with.

Rodney wanted to be mad at him about it. He certainly _felt_ mad, but at the same time he had to acknowledge once again that John had never made any promises that he wouldn't still sleep with others if he wanted. Their whole deal that Rodney allowed him to flirt and John would come home at the end of the day had been an assumption that had proven true for quite a long while, but not in all circumstances.

So the only thing Rodney needed to do was adjust to that.

As simple as it sounded in his head, as hard was it for Rodney to actually act like it. He _wanted_ to be above petty jealousy. He wanted to be able to treat is as a casual arrangement, but whenever he even _thought_ about going to John and signaling to him that he was forgiven, Rodney could only think about the night John had spent on Darovenlar with Larrin and his hands clenched into fists.

He was beginning to think that the problem wasn't accepting what John had to offer and what he didn't. It was accepting that for Rodney the offer was not enough.

~~

As they drew closer to Helenos, they discussed how many days to stay exactly and which port to dock in. John also gave each of them their share of money to spend.

Rodney was a bit surprised that he got his full share. John hadn't subtracted any of the money he'd paid for parts, not even the parts he'd used for the things he'd built for the poorer planets, which had nothing to do with the Pegasus.

His heart clenched when he realized John's generosity. Their eyes met over the table, and John gave him a quick smile.

Rodney had slept in his own bunk for the last few nights. They hadn't completely avoided each other, still sharing meals and giving each other quick progress reports, but they hadn't talked and they certainly hadn't had sex since Darovenlar.

Rodney wanted—desperately—to pull John aside and into their quarters. He wanted to kiss and touch him again. He wanted to feel John's intense passion when they had sex. He wanted to _be_ with John and experience once again a sense of rightness that had always filled him when he was with John.

But seeing his generosity in this moment, seeing how beautiful John wasn't just in outward appearance, but in spirit, Rodney realized that he would never be able to compromise.

He wanted John more than anything he'd ever wanted in his life. But he wanted all that John had to give when he was at his best. Yes, it had been honest of John to never promise anything, but the way he'd treated Rodney when they'd been together had never made Rodney feel as if he was just a convenient distraction.

Rodney didn't know if John was not capable of giving him more or simply unwilling. But if he could say with actions if not with words, "You're doing good work on your projects with Jennifer. I'm going to support you," then Rodney couldn't accept that he'd have to be John's "little engineer" instead of the man that he spent—for all intents and purposes—his life with.

John could be so gentle and loving when they were together. But still he willingly chose to spend the night with Larrin, against Rodney's very obvious wishes. Rodney didn't want to tell John what to do. But he wanted to matter.

He wanted to be able to stroke John's arm outside of their quarters without wondering if it was too much and if the others might notice. He wanted to be able to be rightfully pissed off when John flirted with other people. He simply wanted to try and have a _relationship_ with John even if he'd never been good with them.

Trying to accept anything less would be like accepting the prison he'd spent ten years of his life in. He hadn't had a choice then, but he did now.

There were two options for Rodney. He could give John an ultimatum and ask him to give Rodney all or nothing. Or he could simply accept the reality that John Sheppard always offered what he was willing to give, nothing more, nothing less.

~~

Rodney would miss the ship and his friends. He really would.

But once he'd made his decision, that slight tightness that he'd felt in his heart ever since Darovenlar—and possibly even before, since Levelshurst—finally eased. If he wanted John to be honest about them, then he also should be honest with himself about what he wanted.

He'd _never_ wanted just an arrangement with John. It had seemed like the most sensible thing, especially after John made it clear they weren't going to be _partners_ openly, but even back in their first night together, being with John had felt special.

Rodney wished he could have seen that sooner. He could have stayed on the Pegasus until they got to Eletaire or maybe even until Helenos if they'd taken a more direct path.

Maybe they even could have had sex along the way, but it would have been temporary from the get-go, with the clear premise that it wasn't serious, that it didn't mean anything.

But what was done was done. Despite the outcome, he didn't regret spending time and getting to know these people. He sincerely regretted that he'd have to leave his friends, but there was no way to resolve his relationship with John in a way that wouldn't hurt Rodney. Sure, maybe after a while, he'd learn to just be friends with him, to simply roll his eyes when John flirted with others and find himself a one-night-stand while John spent the night with someone else.

But Rodney couldn't bear to go through the months or maybe longer that would take. His original plan had been to go to Helenos. It hadn't been a bad plan. It hadn't been a bad _life_. Maybe it wasn't the life he could have had on the Pegasus, if John was willing to—

Rodney stopped that train of thought. The time for wishing and hoping was over. When they landed on Helenos he would leave the Pegasus and begin his new life.

~~

"Got your list ready for tomorrow?" John asked the evening before they were set to arrive.

"Yes," Rodney said. He'd cleaned up his notes and instructions, so that John could find another engineer to install the booster for him.

"Good," John said, coming closer. Then he added hesitantly, "You can't stay mad at me forever."

Rodney looked at him. He wasn't mad at John any longer. What had happened between them could have been avoided if Rodney had been more honest with himself. It wasn't John's fault that he couldn't give Rodney what he wanted. "No," he said.

John smiled. "So are you coming to bed tonight?" he asked. "To _our_ quarters?" He put a hand on Rodney's shoulder and let it trail down his arm until he took Rodney's hand.

Rodney didn't see why he couldn't have this one last time. A final goodbye.

He nodded.

~~

Rodney lay on his side, watching as John slept.

The traces of John's touch lingered on Rodney's skin. He could still feel the kisses, the sweet pressure as John moved inside him. He still smelled like John, like what they'd done, so passionately, so urgently at first, then more slowly, and then almost desperate.

He wanted to stay here and simply watch John until he woke up, have breakfast with his friends, and then land on Helenos to buy parts for the booster and check out his old life out of nothing but curiosity. But he wouldn't.

Instead, Rodney forced himself to get up. He didn't take a shower, not even in his own quarters where John wouldn't hear it. He allowed himself the indulgence of letting John's scent linger a bit longer.

He wrote a note, then collected the few bits of clothes he'd acquired along the way together with his notes that weren't related to the booster. When he entered the cockpit, they were already approaching Helenos.

Rodney felt the familiarity of the planet as the Pegasus took its programmed position far above the city, waiting for John to take her down to the dock. Rodney wouldn't be here when that happened.

He went down into the holding area with the shuttle and entered it. He took a long last look around the Pegasus. Then he closed the shuttle door and opened the large door of the Pegasus, flying through it into a different life.

~~

Helenos _had_ changed over the last ten years.

Rodney landed the shuttle on the place that he'd told John in the note. He was only vaguely familiar with this area of the city, but things seemed busier than they used to be. There were more people around, and they seemed to have extended the rail network.

Instead of taking the rail to his old neighborhood, he walked, letting the memories of his life here return and push away the life that he'd left behind on the Pegasus.

There were new buildings and new shops between familiar lots. The main street from the docks to the town center hadn't changed all that much, but when he took a shortcut through a residential area, he noticed the decay of the buildings.

It saddened Rodney to see a park that he'd liked to have lunch in practically abandoned. But at least the houses here were still standing, something that changed when he rounded the corner into the area where he'd worked.

Many of the buildings here had been torn down and replaced by blocks that went high into the sky. They were a sharp contrast to the old shops on the other side, where old posters covered the glass and the colors were flaking off the wall.

Rodney half expected his old workplace to be gone too, but it still stood, nestled between new buildings that were twice as high. The labs still seemed to be in business and Rodney felt both relief and a certain amount of nostalgia.

In a way it seemed just like yesterday that he'd entered these doors every morning. In other ways it felt like a lifetime ago.

Rodney's stomach growled, and he realized that he hadn't had breakfast yet. He thought about the Pegasus for a moment. John would have found his note by now. The others probably knew as well at this point.

Rodney regretted that he couldn't have said goodbye to them in person. But the risk had been too high that they'd tell John. He knew he would have had a hard time resisting John, especially because a big part of him wanted to stay on the Pegasus with John. With John and the other friends he'd made so unexpectedly.

Rodney ignored the longing for their familiar breakfasts, Ronon leaving a bite of whatever he thought Rodney should get a taste of, someone always pushing a cup of coffee at him, the mumbled "morning"s that were accompanied by a genuine smile.

He shook his head and crossed the street to get a quick snack. The café hadn't been here ten years ago, but he didn't care. He sat down to eat and looked at his old workplace, wondering what would greet him when he simply entered and said, "Hello everyone. I'm back."

He didn't do that, though, after finishing his snack. Instead he lingered in the street, looking at the shops, while glancing over to his old work building every now and then.

It wasn't fear exactly, but a part of him didn't want to walk in there and find out that nobody even knew about him, that he was nothing but a footnote, the guy that had been kidnapped off the streets one day ten years ago.

Rodney decided to wait until the first people left the building. He'd get a feeling for how many familiar faces still worked there. Maybe there would be someone who'd worked with him on his project.

It felt a bit awkward to watch people from the other side of the street, but then what he'd experienced to get here wasn't really normal.

The first people who left the building were administrative workers, and Rodney couldn't remember any of them, but then he didn't think he would. He'd never paid much attention to people who didn't affect his work.

He mused that it could be a long wait, considering how long the engineers tended to work, when suddenly a van stopped in front of him.

Rodney had an eerie sense of déjà vu, but before he could actually _remember_ where he'd seen this before, he was pulled into the van, which drove off. A cloth was put in his mouth and tied down with another cloth, and his hands were tied in his back.

Just like ten years ago.

This couldn't be happening. The odds that the same guy would be kidnapped on the same street in the exact same way had to be astronomical. Coincidences like that simply didn't occur.

Unless they weren't coincidences, Rodney realized when he was pushed onto a crate, coming face to face with none other than his previous kidnapper, Werek.

~~

Rodney's mind ran turns of denial, hysterics, and wishing he'd just sucked it up and stayed with John.

He was pulled into a cheap looking room, tied to the cupboard, and left alone for what felt like eternity.

Eventually, one of Werek's guards came in, untied him and pushed him into a bathroom, where he gave Rodney a minute to relieve himself, before tying him back up. The last time, they'd taken him straight to a ship and flown to what would be his prison for the next ten years.

Rodney wasn't sure if the fact that they were still on Helenos was a good sign or a bad one.

After a while the door opened and Werek himself entered. He took a long look at Rodney, then sat down on a chair in front of him.

"I have to say, I didn't think I'd ever see you again," he said. "When we realized that you were gone, along with that idiot from Arkhemp, I told the council that it would be a waste of time to go looking for you. I told them I'd make do without you."

Rodney couldn't say anything, but thinking back of the engineers that worked for Werek, he doubted that it had been as simple.

"Unfortunately, things didn't go quite as planned," Werek said.

Rodney manfully refrained from rolling his eyes.

"Would you like to comment?" Werek asked.

Rodney only gave him a look. It wasn't as if he _could_ comment.

Werek smiled for a moment, then he got up and untied Rodney's gag.

Rodney spat out the cloth and watched as Werek sat down again.

"So?" Werek asked.

"I could have told you that most of your so-called engineers are entirely incompetent. Training them probably could have alleviated that problem, but I guess it's easier to just _kidnap_ real engineers," Rodney said, voice slightly rough.

"Well, I guess, we have a new job for you then when we return," Werek said. "And what a glorious return it will be. I've come here to find an adequate replacement for you, but who could be better than you yourself."

Rodney had nothing to say to that. From Werek's standpoint this had to be perfect. He didn't need to introduce a new guy to the facilities, and Rodney had been an obedient and capable worker that didn't make any trouble.

Rodney tried to remember that old life now. He'd resigned himself to his fate for the most part, but some part of him had kept hoping for the opportunity that eventually came. But he was pretty sure that from now on Rodney would never be without guards outside his cell doors.

"You're not looking forward to coming back to your home?" Werek said mildly.

Home. Rodney had never felt more at home in his life than in the last few months. He would give anything to be back there with his friends.

"Well, the decision is not up to you," Werek said. "Don't worry, we'll sedate you for the trip like the last time. Which is why I had them bring you here first."

Rodney frowned. He wasn't sure what Werek meant. They could have had this little chat on the ship.

Werek stepped to the door and came back with a box that he put on the bed, then he opened it and retrieved a large blade from it.

Rodney paled. This couldn't be happening. This _wouldn't_ be happening. For all his faults, Werek wasn't a monster. He didn't torture people for fun. He might be a kidnapper, but he was a reasonable, pragmatic man. _This wasn't_ reasonable.

"Are you afraid?" Werek asked. "Have I got your attention now?"

Rodney's eyes widened and he gulped.

"I did not appreciate being made a laughing stock," Werek said. "My methods were called into question. My _effectiveness_ was doubted. But I assured them that the next engineer I brought would know his place. Do _you_ know your place, prisoner?"

Rodney swallowed around the lump in his throat and nodded.

"Say it," Werek ordered.

"I w—will co-operate," Rodney stuttered.

"I was hoping for a bit more. I was beginning to think that we didn't make as much progress as we could. What are your thoughts on that?" Werek asked, checking the sharp edge of the blade.

"I—I am sure some progress can be made. The water distribution could be improved. We could look into new energy forms. I've been...thinking about solar energy."

"Those sound like good ideas," Werek said. He stepped up to Rodney, holding the blade closer to his face. "You know, I don't think I've ever seen you actually afraid of me before. Maybe I should have done this ten years ago."

Rodney wanted to say that no, he didn't. He'd liked the old Werek—all work ethic and no sense of humor or sadistic tendencies—a lot better.

Werek moved the blade in front of Rodney's face, and Rodney could only pray that he realized that he had Rodney's full attention and full co-operation and that if he actually demonstrated his new methods on Rodney's body, this could only get worse for both of them.

The answer to that question came from an unexpected source however.

The door opened, and before Werek could fully turn, he was hit with a stunner. Ronon's stunner to be exact.

"Found him," Ronon shouted into the hall, and a moment later John stormed in, taking in the scene and then rushing to Rodney. He stopped in front of Rodney and only stared. "I'm going to put him with the others," Ronon said and behind John, Rodney could see Teyla give him a weak smile before she helped Ronon carry Werek out.

Rodney's focus returned to John, who was still staring at him. After a moment, he pulled himself together and untied Rodney. "Are you okay?" he asked. "Did he hurt you?"

Rodney shook his head, kneading his wrists. He still couldn't believe that they had come for him. "How did you find me?" he asked.

"We asked around," Ronon said, coming back into the room with Teyla.

"We talked to one of your old colleagues," Teyla explained. "When he mentioned that somebody had recently enquired after you—"

"Someone from the planet we first got you from," Ronon threw in.

"John remembered the name of your...supervisor," she continued. "It was only a matter of finding where he stayed. We had hoped we would not be too late," she added, looking at John.

"You came at exactly the right moment," Rodney said.

There was a moment of silence, and Rodney saw John clench his jaw. "Could you give us a minute," John asked them.

"Of course," Teyla said. "We will wait outside."

Once the door was closed, Rodney turned to John.

So, this was a little awkward, he supposed. And he also suddenly realized that this hadn't really changed anything between them. It would be easy to simply go back with them, but his reasons to leave were as valid as before.

"How could you just leave without a word?" John eventually demanded, much more forcefully than Rodney had expected.

"I left a note," Rodney corrected.

"You mean _this_ ," John said angrily, pulling a crumpled piece of paper from his hands and waving it at Rodney.

"I told you where you'd find the shuttle," Rodney said weakly.

"The shuttle?!" John asked. "You think I'd care about the _shuttle_?"

"I told you to tell the others I'm sorry," Rodney said.

"But what about _me_?" John said. "Let's not get into you not even saying goodbye to the others _in person_. But what about me? Didn't you think I'd deserve an apology or at least an _explanation_?"

Rodney dropped his gaze. This was exactly what he'd wanted to avoid. "Look, I _am_ sorry, but I had my reasons," he said.

"And I just want to know what they _are_!" John said. "I know you weren't happy about Darovenlar, but you forgave me. I didn't _dream_ last night did I?"

"No," Rodney admitted.

"Then what's the problem?" John asked. "Do you want me to grovel some more? I can do that even if I still don't know what I did wrong."

"And that's exactly the problem," Rodney said, lifting his chin.

"Then tell me!" John said.

"I have a problem with you sleeping with other people," Rodney said.

John blinked. "You think I slept with Larrin," he said flatly.

"She was all over you that evening, and when I explicitly asked you if you wanted to spend the night with her, you said yes," Rodney said.

"To _talk_. I said, I wanted to _talk_ to her. God, Rodney. I don't like women that way. I thought you knew that," John said.

"I— You what? No, I didn't know that. How was I supposed to know that? From the incessant flirting you do with most of our female clients?" Rodney asked. He was thoroughly confused now.

" _Clients,_ Rodney. They pay us money. And they give us tips. It _pays_ to be nice to them, and most people like it when someone they find attractive flirts with them. I didn't think I'd have to explain this to you. Was _that_ why you were so upset about Levelshurst? You actually thought I'd...with Frija?"

"When we first talked about me staying, the first thing you mentioned were brothels. It wouldn't be entirely illogical to assume that you'd _not_ be averse to having sex with people if the opportunity came up," Rodney said defensively.

"But I have _you_ ," John said, frowning. "Even if I had the opportunity, I don't _want_ anyone else."

"So you _want_ me?" Rodney said.

John stared at him. "Of course, I do. Rodney, we've been sleeping together for months. What did you think that was?"

"I don't know. I just know what it _wasn't_. I know what _I_ wasn't. I wasn't your _partner_. I was just your 'little engineer', remember?" Rodney said, thinking of the humiliation of that night, that had only driven home how much all the previous times where John hadn't been open about them had hurt.

"I told you that I talked to Larrin about that. I can ask her to apologize to your face on our way back," John said.

"I don't give a fuck about what Larrin thinks of me," Rodney said. "I care about what _you_ think of me. And it's obvious that however you appreciate me as an engineer and maybe even friend, the fact that we sleep together every night is an embarrassment to you."

John opened his mouth, then closed it again. "I have no idea what you're talking about," he said, sounding genuinely confused.

"I'm talking about hiding our relationship even from our friends!" Rodney said.

John gave him an incredulous stare. "You thought they didn't know?" he said, snorting. "Rodney, this is a small ship with close quarters. Even if I _hadn't_ told them, there's no way they wouldn't have noticed."

"You _told_ them?" Rodney asked, surprised.

"After our first night together I talked to Jennifer to apologize and to ask if she'd be okay with it. And then I told all of them that you'd stay and that they didn't need to expect any changes and that you wouldn't get any special treatment, just because we're sleeping together."

Rodney didn't know what to say to that. He couldn't have been so wrong about this, could he? "But why the hiding then? You never...touched me outside of our quarters. I sometimes felt that I could be more physically close to Jennifer or Teyla or even Ronon, because I thought you didn't want anyone to see us as a couple."

John dropped his gaze. "Look, I'm not...good with physical affection," he said. Then he looked up at Rodney. "It doesn't have anything to do with you."

"You seemed pretty comfortable with Larrin all over you," Rodney had to remind him.

"But that was all _her_. I don't mind you touching me. In fact I..." John trailed off, coming closer. "I want you to come back and touch me again."

Rodney looked at John and saw nothing but sincerity in his eyes. "God, we're idiots," he said and pulled John into a kiss.

John returned the kiss, and Rodney felt all uncertainty about the future fall away. He'd run away because he'd realized what he wanted and thought John wasn't willing or able to give him that. Now it turned out what Rodney wanted had always been what John had given him, even if he was incredibly bad at telling Rodney the minor, but important details.

And maybe Rodney could have asked about those details to clear them up before they turned into a non-existent problem. So they were _both_ incredibly bad at communicating. Rodney resolved that from now on he'd complain about everything right away.

He pulled back and looked at John. "Is it absolutely necessary for you to flirt with all our clients?"

"I don't flirt with _all_ of them," John corrected him, "and no, it isn't, but it _will_ take longer to buy all the parts for your machines if I don't."

Rodney thought about that. "Are you _sure_ you're not into women that way?"

John laughed. "Very sure," he said. "The others keep making fun of my flirting with women. That was why I thought you knew."

"They never mentioned it to me," Rodney said.

"I know that now, and I'm sorry. If I would have known, I would have explained to you that the _only_ reason I flirt with those women is to make them more generous when they pay us. I'm not interested in any of them."

"You better not be," Rodney said.

"There's nobody else, Rodney," John said. For a moment he just looked at Rodney. "When I woke up this morning and you were gone... I don't know what I would have done if we hadn't found you on time," he said, swallowing thickly. He pulled Rodney's forehead to his. "Don't ever leave me again."

"I won't," Rodney promised. "We're in this together, right?" he asked with a smile.

John pulled back to give him a serious look. "We are, Rodney. I'll never give you reason to doubt it again." He kissed Rodney once more. Then he whispered into his ear, "Touch me in public if that's what you want."

"You don't want it?" Rodney asked. He didn't want to start a discussion and certainly not a fight. But John _had_ avoided being physically close to him in front of others, and Rodney didn't want him to offer this just because he felt he had to.

"I have a hard time... I'm not good at expressing... you know," John said.

Rodney refrained from rolling his eyes. "I _do_ know. I just want to know if it's okay with you if _I_ touch you. I mean, Larrin didn't give you much choice, did she? I don't want to be like that. I want you to feel comfortable around me. I want you to feel comfortable about _us_."

"I _always_ feel comfortable around you, Rodney. I've never felt like that with anyone else. And you have much more right to touch me than Larrin does," John said.

"That's not an answer to my question," Rodney pointed out.

"You don't have to hide," John said. " _We_ don't have to hide. I'm sorry I made you feel that you should." He took Rodney's hand in his.

"That still wasn't really an answer," Rodney said, but he squeezed John's hand.

John pulled Rodney along to the door and opened it. Teyla, Ronon, and Jennifer waited outside for them, smiling widely.

"Is this?" John asked, leaning forward to kiss Rodney. It wasn't just a peck either. Rodney opened his mouth, returning the kiss eagerly until he remembered where they were.

"Yes, I think that answers the question," he said, flushing happily.

"Then it's time to go home," John said, grinning.

Rodney could only agree. Finally he could go home and begin the rest of his life.


End file.
